This week I was having some difficulty in terms of conjuring a column. There is just so much unfolding around us all of the time so it's oft' hard to focus on just one or two things. Instead of going on and on and on about what is really happening all over the globe in our name whilst the corporate media focuses on one or two “news items,” I'm going to simply tell you a tale of Perpetual (life partner/fiance/whatever).
Perpetual and I have now been together for over 16 years—I know, I know, he needs some sort of medal for this. In that time I've never known him to go to a doctor other than when he was injured and was hospitalized in 2014. I'm not sure if that qualifies as “going to a doctor” so you decide.
At any rate, honestly neither of us are big on running to a doctor when we are under the weather. I know for some people it's almost a hobby or a part-time job in terms of zooming to this or that medical-type-person all to confirm what they already know; namely that they are sick with a cold or some other funk.
We usually just let nature take its course and aid it in doing so by using what are now called “alternative or natural remedies.” Those would be anything NOT prescribed by an official man/woman in a white lab coat. Back in the olden days a lot of this stuff was mainstream but then the “Medical Industrial Complex” was born and you know the rest of the story.
I'm actually digressing into somewhat of a rant about “BIG MED” just in case that slipped by. I really wasn't intending to do so but you know by now how things go in this column space and if not, you might get used to it.
Moving to the actual topic of this piece, Perpetual recently decided that since he's in his mid-fifties, it might be a good idea to have a thorough check-up. He has been threatening to do so for over a decade but he finally carried out the task at hand (or other body part).
Since the man had not been examined in a coon's age (again, not sure how long that really is), they had a field day in terms of lining up this or that test.
You know the old joke about salesmen who work on commission, say in a clothing store or shoe store? They can be known for insisting that the customer have this or that necessary item when it's not really a necessity at all? Some call this, “seeing him coming a mile away,” in terms of the customer being spotted as an easy target.
Well, I think the staff saw P coming a mile away when he entered the office for an exam. Yep, they had another unsuspecting individual who they could send all over the region in order to take part in this or that test. “Time to set him up for poking and prodding to the max,” said White Lab Coat.
The man has filled his appointment book with, well, appointments of a medical nature. I should remind you that P is not a good patient. He's hideous.
Now, he puts on a good front when in the presence of White Lab Coat but here at home, he's pretty cranky about this jazz. Actually, I'm not sure that info is relative to the topic at hand but I thought I'd throw it in to fill up some space.
Because the man was a nervous wreck, admittedly I might add, his blood pressure was a tad elevated during the exam. I will give credit to White Lab Coat for not writing out a prescription on the spot.
Instead the course of action was/is for P to monitor the situation here at home and then take the results with him during an upcoming visit.
The pressure isn't too terrible really and is actually good most of the time. However, that doesn't prevent Perpetual from thinking the worst. Optimism is not a word in his vocabulary or in his mind, by the by.
I can't help but note the plethora of ailments which are now being blamed on his POSSIBLE high blood pressure. I understand headaches can be linked to this but stomach aches? I'm not so sure. His backache, ingrown toenails, difficulty in managing his hair (or what remains of it) and all sorts of other things have been linked to his possible high blood pressure. This has now become somewhat of a running joke in the house.
Are you suffering from occasional depression? High blood pressure could be the culprit. Not sure how your bankbook is not being balanced appropriately? Better whip out the BP cuff. The cats are fighting with each other. I bet it's due to the blood pressure scenario. I think you get the picture.
I certainly hope that when this BP-taking-phase is over, he will be given a clean bill of blood pressure health.
I do understand that this is the silent killer, don't get me wrong. However, if I have to hear about his “cuff results” for another week, there might be a “not so silent killer” here in the home.
OK, OK, I'm just having some fun here with the man. I do care if he has some sort of medical problem; contrary to popular belief, I'm not that rude and uncaring.
It's just that perhaps this might have worked out better if he would have visited White Coat annually rather than letting it build up for twenty years or something. I know, I know, it's insane of me to think in such a manner.
Well, I've probably already dug my own grave or at least started so I best casually sign off. I have no clever way to do so and will simply do what I always do when our time is up.
THE END (Interstate Crosscheck, AIPAC Lobby, “War is a Racket” by General Smedley Butler)