Before I pollute the page with a plethora of pithy remarks, criticisms and other nonsense, I must impart some exciting news to you. August is my anniversary month here at the award-winning Community News. I have been an official employee of this establishment for 12 whole years, or fairly close to that by the time this hits the newsstands.
I think in honor of that milestone I should submit some retro columns this month. In other words, I think I will go ahead and place a rerun gently yet effectively in this space—and maybe more than just this week—stop crying or cheering.
I started working in the newsroom around the middle of the month and the anniversary of Rants and Raves is in September of that same year (2006).
I'm not seeing a date for this particular piece but am thinking that it's at least 3 years old or more. I could be wrong as that does happen from time to time. I think since I made a reference to the Winter Olympics, it must have been in 2014. I'm not sure but without further ado, here you go.
Noun-verb
reassignment surgery?
I've taken note of some rather interesting word usage as of late and decided to share my thoughts with you. Aren't you overwhelmingly giddy at this point?
It has come to my attention that certain nouns have now morphed into verbs. I shall list two examples and will then give a brief (I said brief but I'm sure I didn't mean it) description of the metamorphosis. Did I spell that right? I'm digressing.
The first would be a word that must have just made the transition. I believe I heard a rumor that it is currently taking verb hormonal treatments in order to gain the boost needed to make the move from lazy noun to active verb. In other words, I have no personal memory concerning said word. Therefore, it must be in its beginning stages of life.
The word is medal, just in case you were wondering. I tired quickly of passing through a room in which the Olympics were being worshiped, only to catch an announcer using the new interpretation of medal.
Since when do we say things like, “Susan Skatenford of Stockholm didn't MEDAL and she's upset...”?? Another example would be something along these lines. “Carl Curlington of Copenhagen medaled in four events.” How does one even spell that kind of medaled? The spelling that I'm using is totally wrong, as there are red marks all over the place.
What do they mean he MEDALED? Are they trying to impart that he got involved heavily in things that did not pertain to him? Good gravy, it appears as though Mr. Curlington is a nosy neighbor. Wait, that would be “meddled.” I'm outraged and terrified. Hold me.
On a slightly lighter note, did you see how I used last names that reflected two winter sports—skating and curling? I didn't think so.
Bring back the days when one would have said this instead: “Carl won four medals and Susan did not win any.”
This is sheer insanity on every level. We have a hard enough time grasping the various forms, like metal, medal and meddle. Is there really a need for the additional madness? I don't think so.
Moving to the next noun that became a verb, I shall now examine Facebook. Facebook made the big move a long time ago but I'm just now getting around to giving a flying fig.
“Facebook me later and we can catch up,” might be heard in conversation these days. I even say jazz like, “I Facebooked her and asked if she wanted to buy an ad.” (That was an example of the past tense version. I'm good, huh?) What the heck am I thinking? Why have I gotten all caught up in this fad?
Facebook is a noun and should remain so. Don't you agree? Do you even care? Wake up, as this is the moral issue of the decade.
I'm actually done with the noun/verb scenario at this time. I do, however, have another gripe involving the butchering of our language.
Now, before I launch I will remind folks that, contrary to popular belief, I realize that I do make mistakes. I'm not a total expert in terms of all things grammar but I do my best. Not only but if I were a broadcaster of some sort, for example, I would make every effort to utilize proper grammar. The following is a beef that I have with those in the know, like the above-mentioned newscaster, etc.
If I hear another college educated individual say, “unquote,” I will scale a tall building and begin shooting.
I have to back up a bit for clarity, if clarity now means utter confusion. There are times when unquote is socially acceptable. If one were to say, “I was, quote-unquote, tired and couldn't go,” that is fine and dandy with me—and really isn't that all that matters in life?
I do realize that there are times when this unquote stuff works. Take the example above and note that it is being used in direct sequence before a single word.
My beef is when I hear Person A delivering a quote from Person B and at the end of said quote, Person A says, “unquote.” This would be after quoting an entire sentence that was originally stated by Person B, by the by. Now, are you thoroughly confused? I am.
I shall resurrect my all-time grammar hero for a clearer example. You have to pretend like Peter Jennings is talking to you through your telly. (Even though he was a part of the corporate media machinery, I still adored listening to his flawless speech patterns.) “Today President Nixon said the following words. 'I'm not a crook,' END QUOTE.” Thank you Mr. Jennings for not saying, “UNquote.” I only wish Peter J. were still alive as his usage was precise and STUNNING. He was a scholar of the English language and a true grammarian of the highest degree. I will overlook the fact that he was owned by the establishment just to tip my hat (banana clip in my case) to his flawless grammar.
To summarize this mess, it is my understanding and preference that END QUOTE should be used after quoting a sentence spoken by another human being. UNQUOTE can be used if it is directly before a single word. I refuse to have it any other way.
Well, my blood pressure is quote-unquote, sky high and I must go. Plus I have to Facebook someone about an ad for this award-winning publication. After that I'm training for the Rants Awards and am hoping to medal in all events. Wish me luck.
THE END. (Interstate Crosscheck, VIPS – Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity, AIPAC, Geoengineering).