This column isn’t going to be very long this time as the subject isn’t one on which a person can focus for too terribly long. I thought of using a recent game to fill this space but something I saw this morning had the light bulb going ON over my head. (Have you noticed that people say that a light bulb went OFF over their heads? Wouldn’t it make more sense if it went on, rather than off? Have I totally lost my mind? This is a digression and within the first few sentences AND in these fancy brackets to boot. OK I’m moving along now.)
Even though I touched on something like this in the past, this thing that I viewed today had me anxious to revisit the topic. Here I go.
` As many of you know by now, I’m not a television person any longer. However, I can’t seem to escape from commercials no matter how hard I try. The reason for this is because I partake in some online games like Trivia Crack and Words with Friends, to name two, and they are constantly showing advertisements between each round, more or less.
Thanks to the child I don’t have to endure these when I watch YouTube videos as he paid for some kind of premium membership that prevents commercials from playing. I live for that kid.
Several years ago in this very space I wrote about some of the goofy ads that run on TV so I thought I’d revisit that at this time, but will focus on the internet advertising campaigns that I cannot avoid.
Have you ever noticed how these ads can make everyday chores or tasks look like torture? For example, if they are trying to force viewers to purchase a slick veggie slicing device, they will show a woman or man in a kitchen just butchering a poor unassuming tomato in ways that would never be carried out by anyone—ever.
We are treated to seeing a person manhandle and almost mush the vegetable with his/her bare hands whilst wrestling madly with it in order to chop it for a salad. No one on this earth, probably not even a small child, would do such a thing. I hope you can imagine this in your mind as it’s difficult to impart in print. Something tells me that you are familiar with this line of advertising though.
I’ve been held captive by several ads along those lines as of late but the one that really launched me into this subject today was one for a kitty litter scoop.
This is a rather neat little gadget and I’m even thinking of looking for one for Perpetual (fiance, life partner, thorn in side, etc.), since he is the Crazed Cat Lady of Route 6 and all. The scoop has a rather interesting feature that gathers the “scooped materials” into a separate portion of the handle. It’s like a box “deal” that has a region in which the materials gather until emptied. So far, so good.
Well, this commercial went along with the template that is used for many in that they showed people scooping litter “the old fashioned way,” without the aid of the newest gadget. Much to my horror, I witnessed several people cleaning a litter pan in ways that would never happen in real life—not even if a toddler attempted such shenanigans.
Before I continue I must explain to the non cat people about kitty litter. I know, I know, this is a fascinating column thus far, isn’t it? There are different types of litter these days but the most popular kind is called “clump” litter. When urine lands on it, the litter more or less gets solid, making it easy to scoop out of the pan by using a slotted scoop. That way it allows for the good clean litter to remain. Picture the act of panning for gold, which is something I’m certain you all have done. The person scoops up the “clump” of litter and then moves the slotted scoop in the fashion of the miners from back in the day. This all takes place over the litter pan, thereby keeping the good stuff in and the bad stuff out. Get it?
OK we shall now move along to the technique that was displayed during the commercial that I watched today. A woman was perched next to the pan with a small lunch-style paper bag in hand to catch the used litter. Most people do not use a brown paper bag (the school lunch kind) for litter collection, by the by. Anyhow, she literally scooped and WITHOUT sifting, moved it directly over to the opening of the bag. Clearly this did not work, which was the whole point of the commercial. Most of the litter ended up on the floor next to the pan.
Look, cleaning the litter pan is never super fun but it is not quite as hideous as that commercial would like you to think it is. Believe me, I scoop numerous times a day. I’m more or less a litter scooping expert—what a claim to fame!
Do the people who are pushing this litter scoop deal really need to exaggerate to this extent? Their device is actually a good idea so they really don’t need to go over-the-top in terms of their ad campaign. There is nothing realistic at all about the way many are portrayed when they are either slicing veggies or scooping kitty litter—hopefully not at the same time, mind you.
This is the time of year when these goofy advertisements will be in full swing. They must convince you that you just cannot handle doing X, Y or Z without their latest little helper! You will make a mess of your floors, kitchen, garage and life if you don’t pick up one of those handy-dandy items.
I really don’t have much else to say at this time. There is only so much one can explain when it comes to litter pan maintenance, after all.
I guess that sums it up for the week. I should probably go and clean a latrine anyway so I will release you from bondage. Happy scooping!
THE END (Interstate Crosscheck, “War is a Racket,” by General Smedley Butler, AIPAC Lobby)