I'm not sure how much of a column this will be but I'm going to at least attempt to pen something. I feel like my readers are my extended family in some way and I know you understand that this has been a hideous time in our lives. If I'm all over the map more so than usual, I think you shall forgive me.
I wanted to start by thanking people for emailing, sending cards and flowers and providing us with some comfort during our grieving process. All of us are finding this situation to be surreal. That is the only word that begins to describe what is happening in our minds at this particular time.
Austin was Perpetual's youngest son and basically grew up with Spencer (The Child). I knew him for 16 of his 25 years as he entered the scene when he was 9 and Spencer was 7. Austin was always the sweet cuddly kid and Spencer was more of the intellectual, for lack of a better word.
The two of them grew up just like brothers. They defended each other fiercely and also fought with each other wildly, as is the nature of the brotherly relationship. Spencer felt like Austin was his closest brother even though they did not share DNA. (Spencer has 2 half brothers from his father's first marriage.)
When rooting through pictures for the funeral home many memories flooded back to the forefront of my mind. Perpetual, Austin, Spencer and I had a lot of adventures when the boys were younger. We were on the go quite a bit and if not, we would “hang” around this house as we had Austin on the weekends and for a portion of the holidays.
Austin shared the love of camping with me and would, from time to time, tag along on one of my weekend adventures. Several hilarious memories are coming to mind as I type this. Aunt Liz lived with us for a few years and had a hand in rearing these two wild children! She came and stayed with us for a week after Austin died and I really appreciate it.
The last time I saw Austin was on P's birthday, March 30, when we had a spaghetti dinner for the birthday boy next door at Mother's. We have all holidays and special occasions next door as this shoe box isn't quite large enough for such festivities. Austin was with us on Thanksgiving, Christmas, St. Patrick's Day and Joel's birthdays. (We didn't celebrate St. Patrick's Day at Mother's but Joel and I went out on our annual date to the Valley Inn in Conneautville for Reuben sandwiches and Austin came with us this year. I know, I know, we are very romantic.)
I'm so glad that Spencer and Katie (his woman) have been around for all of these occasions as they are not scheduled to leave for Alaska for about 2 more weeks. Spencer was spending some time with Austin and was trying to help him in terms of the drug use issue. Austin had been doing very well for a long time but recently had slipped back into it, so to speak. A lot of people around him were not aware of this but Spencer was and did his best to try to aid him.
During the funeral viewing a lot of people were thankful that we had put the cause of death in the paper instead of tiptoeing around it. We thought it might help others if we were open about this. It turns out that many people have known, or currently know, a person suffering from addiction, in particular, heroin use.
I think some people are quick to assume that someone who uses drugs is a bad person or isn't worthy in some way. Clearly this is not the case. Austin was so much more than a young man with a drug issue. He was always the most tender and kind child, which carried over into adulthood. Even when I was upset with him, it was difficult to stay angry because of his sweet nature and his smile thrown in for good measure!
Austin also enjoyed many outdoor activities with fishing being atop the list. In fact, he actually saved an elderly person's life this winter and would not have been on the scene if not for the fact that he was fishing at the time.
Evidently the gentleman in question got a bit confused while driving in the region of the boat launch, north of Conneaut Lake Park. He kept driving straight and ended up IN the lake, which resulted in the heroic actions of Austin! I had kind of forgotten about that until just a few days ago. Our minds have been more scrambled than usual around here, if you can imagine that. I do have very clear and fond memories of the last several times I saw him. We all enjoyed having him over to mom's during the last few holidays and he really seemed to be doing well. I guess often times we really don't know what is happening, as much as we try TO know what is happening.
This type of thing is a total life changer, in my view. The worst thing that had happened to me up until this was the death of my father. My father seemed the type to live until the age of 100 but clearly that was not the case. Even though we all felt that 72 was too young for him to die, it was still “appropriate” in terms of the correct order, so to speak. Parents should not outlive their offspring as it just isn't natural.
Even though Austin was not my biological son was nine, I tried to treat him as if he were. I certainly disciplined him as though he were mine and lectured him as if he were mine as well. Most of all, I really loved that kid. He could be truly infuriating at times but when all was said and done, he was loved by many people including his extended family here on the “Houserman Compound.” Spencer has been deeply affected by this and I do worry a lot about that. I also am concerned for Perpetual of course. Austin was working on a pretty steady basis with his father and they had just completed a great work week when this happened. It is difficult in any instance when a child dies but imagine if you worked with said child. Every place you'd look on a job site would bring the memories flooding back. I don't know how he is doing it but Perpetual is plodding along with work and MORE doctor appointments to boot!
I think this is all I can muster this week. Please bear with me as there might be times when I cannot really provide much in this space. I will try to do the best that I can and I know you will be supportive, as usual. Again, thank you to those who came to the funeral home and/or who were helpful in other ways. It does help to have a core group of friends for LIFE who are always “there” in times of trouble. Even if I don't see people for months or years, they still come through when they are really needed and I cannot thank them enough.
THE END. (Interstate Crosscheck, AIPAC Lobby, “War is a Racket,” by General Smedley Butler)