It's that time of year again when you will be treated (?) to a mandatory rave, rather than the customary rant. I'm sorry, ladies and gents, but from time to time I try to be kind and tender and this just happens to be one of those odd times.
Clearly this is the last paper of the year and it's my tradition to bloviate madly about how wonderful Person X is or how stunning Person Z turned out to be. Hang on to something as I'm getting ready to launch.
I read over last year's column that was printed around the same time period and noticed that I said something about how quickly the year flew by; I feel the same this time. Does this have something to do with aging by chance? I don't ever remember turning to friends when I was a kid and saying things like, “I can't believe that the year is almost over.” It just seems like something older folk say. (I must insist you stop with those impure thoughts at this time. Thank you.)
Another thing I've noticed over the years is how I wind down whilst laughing these days. This started to occur when I was in my forties and has gotten progressively more WINDY—not as in the strong breeze that blows but the kind with the LONG I sound. Not even sure if it's a word or not but it is now since I used it. My delightful column helper-outer, Judith M. Villenueve of Maine, will let me know the scoop when I send this off for her to review.
I honestly think that most of this piece has been a digression thus far even though I never really started the actual column. I better do that right about now.
As many of you realize, times are tough for the small business owner. We see big box stores right and left plus smaller varieties of the same landing gently yet effectively near every town. This makes it very difficult for “mom and pop” to succeed like they once did. (I certainly hope you are reading this piece after you have finished shopping in your local region for as many things as possible before hitting the above-mentioned outlets, by the by.)
In case this slipped by you, our humble yet award-winning, (in my own mind), paper relies heavily on the merchants from the various regions to keep us in business. Maybe you didn't gather this but there are no real corporate advertisers in this paper, not that we'd refuse, mind you, but they seem to have tight budgets, which I don't believe for a minute. Oh dear, I feel like this could turn “ranty” and quickly.
I decided to stay the course in terms of being upbeat this week and will not complain madly about how various stores take up city blocks in our charming hamlets yet simply don't bother with any advertising in the weekly paper. I will not mention how doing a community support kind-of-ad would not kill them as they have corporate budgets. No, I shall steer clear of such talk this time and will continue to chat about uplifting things.
Allow me to begin by thanking my wonderful mother for living for yet another year and reaching a tremendous milestone of turning 92 in November. For those who don't know Mother at all, the woman is some sort of freak of nature, which I've expressed here before. She works, and has for YEARS, at Stitch Art Custom Embroidery, located for your convenience on 322 near Hank's Frozen Custard.
The old gal has been sick with a nasty cold for over a week but she continued to drag herself into work during that time. (She only did so because everyone there had already had the illness or else she would have stayed home as to not infect the place. Please, release those pearls you are clutching. Thank you.)
On Mother's actual day of birth, I had to cover a meeting and one of the councilmen—who shall remain nameless—OK it was Tim Prince, said that she'd probably be sleeping during the time of the meeting anyway so it was no biggie to postpone the dinner until the next night. It was then that the hideous realization hit me that Mr. Prince does not read this column. Can you imagine? I am appalled, as Mother would and oft' does say.
In all seriousness though, I do thank Mother because I oft' fill this space with stories of her love of all things FOOD, for one example.
Moving beyond the Mother portion now, I'd like to thank those who work to make this paper pretty thorough in terms of area coverage of meetings and events. Roseanne Staab deserves a round of applause for her efforts in keeping the community informed about X, Y and Z. She is super comprehensive in her reporting and one feels like he/she is literally at the meeting whilst reading the synopsis in the pages of this very paper. Hats off to my childhood friend Roseanne for her hard work and dedication. I best throw Judith M. Villenueve of Maine a bone at this time even though I mentioned her toward the top. Judy has a good feel for this area as she was raised in Pittsburgh and would come “mup here” with her family from time to time. She seems to know what will cause massive pearl clutching in the reading area and what is OK to print. She goes over these pieces every week in order to let me know what corrections need to be made prior to turning it in to the chief. I now call her the “Comma Counselor” as she has broken me of the habit of utilizing too many of them. Thank you, Judy.
The business owners who advertise with us must be commended for their efforts as well for without them, we wouldn't be here. Stop that cheering as it's downright rude. Many of the larger papers do not cover meetings and events in detail like the smaller weekly papers do. When and IF we are ever gone, you might just regret that clapping that you just carried out!
Some of the people with whom I deal have told me that they either don't advertise anywhere else, or they place ads in this paper and on the radio, from time to time. I can't thank everyone enough for loaning support to this particular weekly so THANK YOU will have to suffice.
I suppose I should thank the municipalities for being entertaining from time to time as well. As some may remember, I get a charge out of some of the language that is utilized by the governmental “officials.” Words such as “signage” simply crack me UP. I mean honestly, could we just say signs or is that out of the question? I pointed this out about 12 years ago at this point but the “signage” word always puts me in the mind of a person who should see an ear, nose and throat specialist and pronto!
Covering the meetings is always a trip and a half. You should see some of the things I jot down in the margins of my notebook. On second thought, maybe you shouldn't see them. In fact, if I keel over soon I respectfully request that Perpetual (fiance of 15 plus years) gather up all the books of note and burn them asap.
Other than thanking the boss for putting up with my shenanigans for many years, I can't think of anyone I left out. I would love to name the advertisers individually but I know I'd forget one and I'd be in major trouble.
With that, I end this charming end-of-year column. I wish you all a happy new year. Also, a note to the corporate businesses in the region: Set aside a few dollars to throw at us peons here would you? It won't hurt for you to wish people a Merry Christmas or to wish the CASH Eagles well or to support the community in that manner now, would it? I know you can do this—make it your resolution! (Sorry, I just couldn't remain pleasant throughout this whole thing. My regulars should expect nothing less from me.)
THE END (Interstate Crosscheck, AIPAC, “War is a Racket,” by General Smedley Butler, “Where did the Towers Go,” by Dr. Judy Wood)