I thought I'd better slow things down a bit this week and print something that might not offend the masses. It's always a goal of mine to simmer down a touch the week after I let loose.
Last Friday night Perpetual (15 year fiance) was at the now infamous trailer with his other woman, so I found myself alone and frightened. OK the part about being afraid is a pure fabrication; I'm simply trying to make this as dramatic as I possibly can.
Getting back to “Perpetch,” just to be clear, his other “woman” is named Isabelle and she is a cat—I know, hard to believe, huh?
Some person dropped this kitten off “in the trailer region” several months back. “P” (note, his nickname is getting even shorter) is not one for a stray anything (how do you think he landed me) as it upsets him a great deal. Now stop with those thoughts of dropping off cats galore here as there is a limit to his/our madness.
Moving along to the to-go section of this column, I decided that ordering some food from the new joint at the edge of Conneaut Lake would be a good move on my part. It's actually called “Gallery K Art Music & Coffee Cafe,” just in case you are wondering.
Earlier that day I had extracted a card from my wallet/cellphone holder in order to telephone the number on the back to make a monthly payment in a prompt manner. Just keep that in mind please.
I talked to Erin (the co-owner) on the phone and set off to change my shirt so I could head to town in The Child's car. I've been enjoying the use of said car ever since it arrived back from Jeff's Automotive, located for your convenience on Rt. 18 near Conneautville. This column has turned into a lot of product placement, so to speak. I'm also digressing, which is always a goal.
To continue digressing, The Child has been working in Alaska so that's why I have been in charge of his car. He actually asked Mother and me to drive it but Mother declined. She is used to maneuvering a Sherman Tank, aka her Cadillac, and this was just too “odd” for her. I actually needed the vehicle as Edna (the hippy van) was resting up at Jeff's for inspection purposes.
Finally I am moving back to the to-go portion of this blather. I changed my shirt and headed to the area in which I had placed my wallet “thingy” earlier. Guess what? It wasn't there; I could not find it ANYWHERE; I became panic stricken.
I LITERALLY (and you know I only use that in a literal manner) looked in the garbage, refrigerator, kitchen cupboards, washing machine, under furniture, the bathroom, etc., to NO avail.
With a shaky voice and tears in my eyes, I telephoned Gallery K to let her know that I had indeed lost what was left of my mind. I asked her to stop making the food or I tried to but she calmed me down immediately, if not sooner. She told me to stop fretting about it as she too had done this type of “activity” on numerous occasions and could totally relate. She encouraged me to come down for the food and I assured her I'd pay her the next day.
I put the “lid” down on the car and began my journey. By this time it was around 8:30 “ish.” I spoke out loud trying to figure out where on earth that wallet deal could possibly be. I kept forgetting that talking to myself in a convertible isn't really private as the vehicles behind me could clearly see my arm waving about, as I have always talked with my hands in action.
I entered the facility and was greeted with a hug from Erin, the red-headed wonder, also known as the co-owner. She assured me that everything would be fine and even offered to GIVE me the food. Please do not take this as a green light to receive food from her at no cost. I think she truly felt sorry for me and was simply being kind. (She appears to respect her elders.)
I zoomed back home but, of course, did not go over the speed limit as I'm a total angel and would never break the law in any way, not even in a convertible. As I was breezing back into the bedroom to put my shirt in the closet, (I do this from time to time rather than pitching it on to a chair), I looked down and SAW my little wallet/thingy/deal sitting somewhere where it has NEVER perched before. Without further ado, I leaped back into the car and sailed downtown, once again not breaking the limit of speed.
I entered the parking lot of Gallery K and held my arm out of the vehicle whilst waving the wallet (not sure what to call this thing but it fits a cellphone and a few dollars or cards) proudly in the air.
Erin told me that I did not have to come back that night but she doesn't know Mother yet. I had been on the phone with Mother when I found the cell holder with the colorful pattern; I left that part out of this saga.
Mother would be appalled if I somehow didn't get this bill paid, just in case that slipped by you.
The very bottom line of this epic story that should be made into a movie of the week is this: I LIVED for the food that I ordered!! They have wonderful selections of items ranging from the meat lover's desires, (that would be Perpetual), to those who would rather eat an avocado than a piece of something dead, (that would be me).
I highly recommend that you visit the Gallery K as soon as humanly possible.
On a side note, (not really sure if it's a side note but I love saying that), we ordered from there again last night. Perpetual couldn't stop going on and on and on about how terrific the food was and how big the portions were and how “non greasy” the fries were. Perpetual is exceptionally picky, hence why he “picked” me, so this is a true compliment.
I think that just about covers it for the week. I can't even think of a cute way to tie this up with a big purple bow so I will just simply sign off now. (By the by, I had this partially finished BEFORE she joined our business directory so I'm not even brown-nosing for advertising purposes!)
THE END (War is a Racket by General Smedley Butler, AIPAC Lobby, Interstate Crosscheck)
PS: When Judith M. Villenueve of Maine went over this for me prior to my turning it in, she asked me to tell you what we ordered.
Here goes: The “I lost my wallet” order consisted of two wrap sandwiches to get me through the weekend. I had the Avocado Wrap and the Hummus Wrap. Both of these delightful sandwiches contained a plethora of fresh veggies which accompanied the main ingredient of either the hummus or the avocado. Last night I ordered the avocado dish again and Perpetual ordered the Chicken BLT Wrap. I forgot to say that the homemade potato chips were simply stunning in every manner.
Well, that's truly it now.