This week I was going to launch into a rant about the phony outrage that is being displayed by a certain segment of society but I will have to hold that thought for another week. Stop with that rude exhaling as you have once again caused cats to fly by due to the swiftly moving air.
The reason why I switched gears is because this coming Sunday is Mother's Day and we must salute those mothers pronto!
Since my darling woman is 91 years of age and is still doing well enough to lecture me at every opportunity, I thought I'd better tip a hat to her in this space, so here I go.
First of all as many of you realize I oft' utilize this space to tease Mother as much as possible without being grounded for a week afterward. I will try to switch gears and say something kind and tender about that gal. I'm not making any promises here as sarcasm is my middle name but I will attempt to be pleasant.
Mother is really a freak of nature and I mean that in the best way possible. The woman rarely stops moving and continues to work on a fairly regular basis at Stitch Art Custom Embroidery. (I thought I'd give them a plug as they are good advertisers plus they take great care of Mother. For instance, when she finishes her lunch she heads upstairs to casually take a little napper on a comfy chair. She's like that battery bunny on TV and becomes invigorated after even a short snooze. Boy, I am digressing here madly and in the brackets to boot.)
As many of you realize at this point, Mother and I are just a tad different, if “a tad” is now defined as “massively.” She is always color coordinated and files her clothes in order of color in her closet. (I think it goes from primary colors—all blues together etc., to brights, and ends with pastels—but I could be mistaken.) I, on the other hand, am typing this in a pair of striped blue shorts and a non-matching tie-die sort of shirt. The colors are not anywhere close to each other. She will be “appalled” when she reads this but at least I'm not out in public as that would lead to a fainting spell on her part.
In terms of the filing of clothing in order of color schemes in the closet, once I wade my way through said clothing region I've already twisted an ankle and bruised a hand due to the gymnastic maneuvers needed for such things. Clearly I feel “blessed” if my clothing remains on hangers and doesn't slip onto the closet floor. Playing hopscotch through the closet is a pretty good workout though now that I ponder.
When it comes time to have a holiday dinner, let's say Thanksgiving, she LITERALLY has the table dressed up and ready for action a month or MORE ahead of the event. She also demands a list of all who are attending a good 2 weeks prior and does not take well to cancellations. I really don't either and that is one way in which we are alike. Perpetual needs to get on the ball and force his kids to decide in July if they are eating Thanksgiving with us from now on.
I just looked over this piece so far and I'm not so sure this sounds “tender and loving” as promised above. I am not saying anything rude about the gal but am simply being honest. She appreciates honesty so I shall simply continue on this course of action.
Another cute thing about Mother is how she launches during phone calls. Allow me to explain what I mean by launching.
Rather than asking if I'm busy or even saying hello first, she launches into the subject matter at hand. Of course since she is getting forgetful it could be so that she doesn't lose said subject matter between the hello and the next word. Now that I reflect, I don't even think she says, “Lisa,” first. She simply rolls wildly with whatever she wants to say.
Mother is already delighted because last night, when I went over to spend time with “The Child” who left this morning, I asked her if she wanted to go to Greenville for Mother's Day. She became overly thrilled with the concept so off we shall go.
I'm also scoring brownie points in terms of the inevitable competition that secretly takes place annually between “the sibs.” Blainey loses automatically because he generally remembers Mother's Day in August after being reminded. However, Pumpkin (Mother's total fave child known as Jill to most) has ALREADY sent Mother a gift! She gave her one of her favorite things which would be a card (Mother lives for cards and would forgo actual presents for one), with several restaurant gift certificates enclosed.
That Pumpkin knows the way to that woman's heart for sure but then again, she has known her longer as she is getting WAY up there in age. (She reads this paper and I will be in big trouble. It's nothing new though as I'm used to it. I wonder why—I mean I'm always so wonderful to all in my path. Hmm.)
I best start to wind this down for the week. I can only be so nice for so long and time is up. In all seriousness, Mother has been and continues to be a total treasure. She keeps us on our toes as much as possible with her gentle “reminders” about how to live life in an appropriate manner. We are all beyond lucky to still have her with us and I am exceptionally thankful, grateful and anything else that ends with “UL.”
Thank you, Mother, for being you and not changing—other than to dress for dinner, of course. I am over the moon happy to have you as a mom even though I pick on you from time to time. You have been a guiding force in my life and are a blessing to all in your path. (AWE let me get you a tissue.)
THE END. (Interstate Crosscheck, AIPAC, War is a Racket by General Smedley Butler)