This week I thought I'd revisit something from the past as it has been quite some time since I moaned about it.
For those who have been with me since the beginning, this might bring back memories but just pretend like you are reading it for the first time.
I'm combining several “vaulted columns” from the olden days into one brand new stunning literary piece so it will be somewhat different from the original—I think. I know the suspense is killing you at this point and frankly I'm getting sick of my own long and involved intro; I shall unveil the rant O the week right about now.
I speak of words that have either had “reassignment surgery” and have morphed from nouns to verbs and also two words that I have removed from my vocabulary due to their abuse, misuse and overuse.
Let us begin with the nouns that have turned to verbs due to the technological boom, for lack of a better description. We have “friend,” which actually means: a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.
In addition to that and directly under it on the online dictionary, we now have this: add (someone) to a list of contacts associated with a social networking website.
We now hear statements like, “I am so upset because no one will FRIEND me on _________ (fill in the blank of social media outlet here).” The reassignment surgery was a success as friend has morphed from noun to verb in one easy transition.
This has led to other interesting combinations such as: “unfriend,” or “friending,” or “defriend.” Good gravy, all of these words are underlined in red, indicating that they are not spelled right. Clearly my word processor is not going to recognize these . Also I'm quite sure I'm not being totally grammatically correct in terms of placing official definitions into a column, but I'm not a professional technical writer—UNfriend me if you must over this revelation but I will be crushed. I might even clutch pearls and gallop to the streets.
Moving along to something of a political nature, the word “primary” has also taken the plunge from noun to verb as has been noted on all fake and real media outlets.
Rather than saying that So and So will have a primary challenger we now say things like: “I think we should kick that *&^%$ guy out of office. We WILL primary him in the next election cycle!” This has also led to different uses of said word like, “Bill was primaried in the last election,” and “We are going to primary the heck out of these establishment types!”
On a serious note, why does anyone think that “New to Political Quagmire” (or Person A for simplicity) could PRIMARY “Establishment Criminal B?” The voting system was proven to be totally messed up during the 2016 cycle and before. The Democratic primary, for one example, was absolutely rigged and stolen but that's OK because RUSSIA! (If you don't believe me then simply check the lawsuits that have unfolded across the nation. Also anywhere from 120,000 to 200,000 voters were purged from voter rolls in Brooklyn NY alone, which I mentioned here when it happened but I digress of course. Sorry I couldn't help myself.)
There is no way TO “primary” a person as the establishment will see to it that it will NOT work. So put away your silly notions of “primarying” anyone. Good gravy, spelling these “non-words” is getting to be a challenge.
I am inching forward to the next segment of this column in which I shall complain madly about two words that have not exited my mouth in years. I can't remember for certain if I've uttered these but am almost positive I have not. They have become the “go to words” that describe everything from a wonderful feeling one gets after eating lunch to the description of a stunning sunrise or sunset. I am betting you might know of what I speak by now? (By the by, I'm trying desperately to use a word other than the word “word” but am failing miserably.)
I speak of none other than the now LOATHSOME “AWESOME” and “AMAZING.” Not sure why I included the quotation marks but I thought it would add to the drama of it all. Not to mention, but I will, this column isn't the best in terms of sentence structure but I think somehow we will manage to get through it.
I cringe when I hear grown people going on and on and on about how simply AWESOME such and such is or how AMAZING Person D is looking these days. Can we set a higher goal here ladies and gentlemen?
Something floated to the front of my mind right now and I must get it down on paper or computer screen, in this case. I seem to recall when I wrote about this ages ago, I included a list of words that could be used in place of the above NON-MENTIONABLE language. Right now I shall copy and paste some of them right here for your reading pleasure, or pain. I will then give examples of replacing awesome and/or amazing in a sentence with one of them. I'm so excited about this, hold me.
OK let's start with a sentence with the word awesome in play right now and then I will show you words that could and should replace it. (I'm having a great time! Really isn't it always all about me?)
“Judith M. Villenueve of Maine told me that her trip to the Grand Canyon years ago was simply awesome.”
Now, here is a list of words that could be placed instead of the hideous A Word: Breathtaking, awe-inspiring, magnificent, wonderful, amazing (NO NOT that one), stunning, staggering, imposing, stirring, formidable, fearsome, dreaded.
We shall now redo the sentence above with one of those instead. “Judith M. Villenueve of Maine told me that her trip to the Grand Canyon years ago was simply awe-inspiring.” SEE? Wasn't that better?
Let us move along to the next A Word at this time, which would be amazing—I mean the word in question is literally the word amazing.
“Mother turned to Lisa and said that the dinner she had made for her was nothing short of amazing.”
List of words that could be placed instead: Astonishing, astounding, surprising, stunning, staggering, shocking, startling, stupefying, breathtaking, awe-inspiring, sensational, remarkable, spectacular, stupendous, phenomenal, extraordinary, mind-blowing, jaw-dropping.
Redo: “Mother turned to her favorite daughter Lisa and said that the dinner she had made for her was nothing short of spectacular.” (Note Lisa was elevated to sainthood by the second example—hey it's my column and I'll lie if I want to.)
Please, for the love of all things lovable, try and introduce those replacement words into your vocabulary and slowly but steadily murder the A Words mentioned above. Some people have to ruin it for everyone and the misuse, over-use and abuse of those particular words has now led to them being shunned by many. (I'm the only one I know, other than Mother and The Child, who take offense to the abuse of the A Words but just play along.)
I think I'm done for the week. I have to go see if someone “friended” me on facebook or if they “unfriended” me. I shall then make a decision as to whether or not I will run for office in order to “primary” the incumbent. I shall carry out those tasks with amazing speed and awesome ability. Wish me luck.
THE END (Interstate Crosscheck, AIPAC, Geoengineering, “War is a Racket” by General Smedley Butler)