This week you will be thrilled to the marrow because I'm not going to prattle on incessantly about the state of the union (should that be capitalized?) or anything of the sort. Reason being, I try to morph into a kinder, gentler creature when it comes to the last paper of the year(s). It is indeed shocking, lurid and true, as one of my favorite sayings goes.
I generally thank various people who have made my life livable and will pretty much follow that outline.
However, I do want to kind of tip my hat, which in this case is a bandanna upon the head like in the 1970s era, to a few particular residents of the reading region. (Before I continue, please do not slam yourself into a corner as you clutch a stuffed animal and rock back and forth if I don't mention you by name. Make sure you don't do all of the above whilst saying, “I don't think life is worth it if Lisa doesn't say my name in her column.” (I've already started lightly coating this with sarcasm and all by the second paragraph. It might be a record.)
One person I would like to mention would be Mrs. Price of Route 6 and elementary school teaching fame. Wow, that was kind of a mouthful now that I read it back. Plus, perhaps Mrs. P doesn't want readers to know that she is a Route 6 dweller but I digress, as is my nature.
I ran into this gal at the world-famous LOCAL market called Zatsick's Golden Dawn the other day and she is, simply put, a charming chick. I'm only saying that because she praised my weekly attempts at penning pieces.
In all seriousness, she was an excellent teacher back in the day and has been a loyal reader of this gibberish for years. For that alone, she should be showered with accolades and given the now infamous coupon for that mental health specialist of whom I've spoken in many columns. Bottom line: Thank you, Mrs. Price, for putting up with this silly stuff.
Diane Fritz has been complimentary as well and claims to be my number one fan. I just hope she doesn't hold me captive and break my legs so I can't escape her evil clutches. (I believe that was the story line in Stephen King's “Misery” but I could be wrong. Just play along for now.)
Another woman who deserves total recognition would be Linda Oliver of State Farm in Linesville fame. She is handing the reins over to a new person at the first of the year, just in case you were not aware. Linda has not only been a terrific advertiser in this award-winning publication, but has been an asset to the community at large (and small), for many a year. (Take note Linda that I did put an E and a T in the word “asset.”)
Hats off to you and I wish you the best of luck in your retirement years. Thank you for listening to my insane rants when I would hold you captive over the phone or would drop in unexpectedly simply to moan about this or that life situation. (I know it comes as a shock to some but I've been known to complain from time to time.)
Heading in a northerly direction now in terms of praising various individuals, I would like to acknowledge the members of Conneautville Borough Council as well. I cover the meetings when health and weather permit and there is never a dull moment. Believe it or not, I think that particular governmental body actually appreciates the local media keeping them in check. They might not feel that way after this next report hits the newsstands but that's another story. JUST KIDDING so simmer down. Nothing too hideously scandalous is unfolding at the moment but give it time—I'm sorry, I just cannot turn off the sarcasm dial today. (Like I can ever switch it to the off position.)
I have just one request of that group and that would be to please define the various ridiculous abbreviations/acronyms/whatever they are called hence forth. I oft' am clueless as to what CVHQLSN means. (Yes, I invented that one.) I rely heavily on my “meeting companion” Sue Wheeler to define such “words” but she is frequently in the dark as well. Speaking of Sue, she has been a terrific dictionary, friend and note taker.
Staying in the Valley for another minute, I have to say that Henry and Tammy have been very kind to this paper and to me specifically. Please don't become filled to the brim with ire if I did not type your name specifically; I know how crushing it is to not be recognized by Lisa Houserman. (Good gravy, I'm even cracking up over that insane statement.) However, that doesn't mean that I don't live for many Valley dwellers. Advertisers and residents alike have been welcoming and pleasant. I think I've covered my bases and my tuchas with that last statement so I can inch forward.
Wally Hyde of Springboro has been simply splendid over the years as has Gary Welker. Wally has been a real rock (Get it? He deals with gravel and stuff) over this past decade. Not to mention, but I will, Dorothy of Master Feed and Grain lightens my spirits just by answering the phone. Even when I'm contemplating leaping from that elusive cliff, of which I often speak, just one call to MF & G saves the day. (I realize that you are all hoping for a new telephone person. I'm appalled, as Mother would say, because I can read your minds.)
Speaking of Mother, I must thank her for staying alive so that she can assist me when I have a nervous breakdown and/or just need to borrow a can of soup.
Thank you to my boss, Roseanne Tom, and all other people associated with this publication. I'm running super late so I cannot continue with this love fest any longer. I will just have to close by saying that I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and a fabulous new year!
Oh, just one more little thing.... Please remember your hometown newspaper when it comes to advertising in the new year. I do my best to force people at gun point to shop locally so I'm assuming area business owners will leap into these pages with gusto in the new year?
THE END.
P.S. I forgot to thank Judy of Maine for looking this over weekly prior to publication. There, are you happy now Judy?