Last Thursday I woke up to what my late grandma would’ve called a winter wonderland. You know what I mean: when snow sticks to everything and brightens the landscape. When everything, from dogwood trees to ironweeds look like they were dipped in powdered sugar. Everything was gray or brown the day before.
When ugly turns to beautiful overnight, it’s the best the world has to offer, isn’t it? It’s kind of like when you finally forgive someone you’ve been unable to forgive no matter how hard you tried, how hard you prayed. That’s a transformation from ugly to beautiful.
I’ve found forgiveness to be among life’s biggest challenges. I admire people who can truly forgive without effort and move forward as if the pain someone caused never happened.
I can’t do that. I think it’s largely because I hold myself to an extremely high standard. People constantly disappoint me, because they never seem to live up to the standard I set for myself.
I think part of the reason it’s hard to forgive someone who’s hurt you is because you feel as if you’re stronger if you hold them a grudge.
Stay with me here. In other words, if you can’t forget how much they hurt you, if you hold onto the misery they caused, it’ll remind you to never let your guard down, never give up your power. The irony is, they’re stealing your power when you permit the wrong they did to control your thoughts.
And it often spills over to other parts of your life. While you’re driving to work, you’ll rehearse what you’d say if you have the chance to tell them off. While you’re working out, you’ll try to imagine ways you could’ve avoided the pain, or how you’ll protect yourself from it next time.
And before you know it, regret becomes an ever-present source of misery and heartache. It’ll fray your thoughts and even cause physical symptoms, such as stomach pain, insomnia, and headaches.
So how do you forgive? Some people require an “I’m sorry.” Others are content with a gift or kindness in action, such as mowing the lawn or washing dishes. Some may forgive after a back massage or dinner out.
But that may not be enough for others. Some people require time to forgive. Or perhaps a major life change shows you the wrong someone did is small in the light of a crisis.
Whatever causes you to forgive, embrace it. Leave misery in the dark. Walk into the light and stay there. Leave the brown weeds and gray sky behind and walk into woods dipped in powdered sugar.
I wish you all God’s blessings this week.