Shh…I’m going to tell you a secret: I’m writing a novel. Aw, come on. Please don’t laugh. This wasn’t my idea. God laid it on my heart last fall.
I’ve been writing since sixth grade, when my teacher, Mrs. Pat Kaider, assigned journal writing as morning work. She’d write a prompt on the blackboard, and we’d respond in our journals. After the first quarter of the year she made journaling optional. I kept journaling until the end of the year.
When I took my journal home, I kept on writing. That was 30 years ago. I still journal regularly. It’s therapeutic. Sometimes I have problems I don’t want to tell anyone but God. But the words threaten to spill out. So I write instead of talking.
Every now and then I’ll pull out an old journal. Certain entries are fun to reread, especially when I was a kid or young teenager. But they get increasingly difficult, excruciating, even, by the time I hit my late twenties and early thirties. Why? One word: depression.
Between 2007 and 2014 I had major depressive episodes that lasted months at a time. One lasted ten months. During my worst episodes I scribbled on legal pads beside my bed in the dark. Sometimes I unburdened my mind in columns that will never be submitted. This accounts for many late submissions to my patient editor. Sorry, David!
I hit rock bottom twice before I finally cried out to God for guidance. He, of course, had been waiting for me to ask, and generously gave me the right advice: see my psychiatrist, ask him to help me wean off the bad pills, keep taking the good ones, and walk five or six days a week.
That was five years ago. Walking is still my only antidepressant. I now take two medications to manage bipolar and anxiety. I used to take five, plus three medications to counteract side effects.
So why am I telling you all this? Because my book is a fictionalized chronicle of the most crucial time in my battle with bipolar, spanning several years. It’s also the story of a young musician who battles anger and abuse. I’ve been writing my novel since December and I’m up to 247 word processed pages. This works out to 65,836 words as of this writing.
Because I’m writing about a musician, I’ve committed to something scary and exciting: guitar lessons.
I’ve played the trumpet since fourth grade. And I still love it. I play almost every week in my church’s praise team.
But learning guitar is a totally different endeavor. I learned to play the trumpet because I wanted to. But guitar? Way, way out of my comfort zone. I’m used to playing a brass instrument. It’s basically a right-handed. The left hand just balances it. Guitars are stringed, two-handed instruments. Why is this a problem? Because my fine motor skills are pathetic. It’s probably why my handwriting is almost illegible. I’m still amazed I ever learned to type.
I do have a couple things in my favor. I can read music. I know rhythms.
But not on a guitar. I’m afraid I’ll try to play notes on my guitar using trumpet fingerings. For example, when you play a low E on a trumpet, you hold down the first and second valves. But if I’m supposed to play an E and I put my first and second fingers on the strings, that’s not gonna work. I’ve got a big learning curve ahead of me.
I’m challenging myself to obey God and write a novel. And learn to play guitar. It’s exciting, but demanding, and a little scary. The thing about fiction is, unless you’re a big name like Stephen King or J.K. Rowling, your book probably won’t sell many copies. Agents and editors don’t like working with first-time novelists. I’ve been to enough writers’ conferences to learn that.
I’m writing on faith. I know God wants me to write this book, so I’m writing.
What has God challenged you to do recently? God always wants us to grow. He doesn’t want us to stagnate. He wants to strengthen our faith, and grow in love and maturity. He wants us to do his will, whatever it is, no matter how crazy it sounds.
So how do you recognize God’s challenges? In at least three ways. Sometimes I’ll read a verse in the Bible that convicts me. I know it’s God asking me to change. Other times God speaks directly to my heart with an idea and won’t let me forget it or put it off. And once in a while he speaks through others. Sometimes I’ve actually had another person suggest I do something that God already laid on my heart. That’s one of those goose bump-eliciting experiences. They’re rare, but exciting, because they confirm God’s will.
Has anything popped into your mind while you’ve been reading this? Did I remind you of a challenge you feel God nudging you to take on? If not, keep your heart open to his voice, in whatever form he chooses to reveal it. Then take that bold step and obey. You won’t regret it, even if it sounds crazy.
Have a wonderful week. Blessings!