Attempted “rave” for this end-of-year piece

Go ahead and exhale wildly because this is the ONLY time of the year that you are guaranteed to read a rave, rather than a rant. Even though some of you enjoy my rants this is when we are supposed to be filled with joy and love, even if we are clearly faking it. I'm actually not pretending at this point but give me time as this is just the beginning of the piece.

I can't believe how quickly 2017 has flown by. It seems like people say that all of the time—minus the 2017 part, of course. Maybe it has to do with getting old? I'm not sure but to me it appeared as though this year went by at the speed of something super fast. (I'm already at a loss for descriptive words so it can only go downhill from here. Is this a digression and in brackets to boot?)

As many of you have ascertained at this point, times are not getting a whole lot easier for the average citizen in terms of finances. The merging of “YUGE” corporations and the like really hits the “mom and pop” establishments hard, which can make it difficult to eke out an existence.

The monopoly known as Amazon Dot Com for one example, is running people out of business left and right. Not to mention but you know I will, the owner of that conglomerate seized power of the Washington Post and got MILLIONS from the CIA for “cloud storage” via Amazon. There is nothing fishy going on here ladies and gents, nothing at all. Oh, Oh, he also bought out Whole Foods so prep for Monsanto laden organics hence forth.

You knew I couldn't be madly in love throughout this column, didn't you? I will now return to your regularly scheduled rave.

Here at the award-winning Community News (I've given it many an award in my mind so just go with it), we rely on the efforts of the small business owner to keep us afloat. We are not chock-full of “this or that” type of corporate advertising just in case that slipped by you. Not that I would object, of course, but we just aren't able to hook them too much. I better move along before I bury myself deeper in this quagmire that is supposed to be uplifting.

I want to sincerely thank all of the people who have advertised with us over the year(s) and for once, I'm not being sarcastic. I would love to mention you all by name but I know that I would leave someone out due to my “menopausal memory” which would lead to hurt feelings and all that jazz.

I'm sure it's super important to be named in an opinion column written by some local goof ball with pent up feelings of rage but you will have to get on with the day; I will not be recognizing individual business owners. You know who you are and I certainly hope that you recognize sarcasm as my last sentence was drenched in it. (I find that I have to make disclaimers about the sarcasm and other things in this space and in my video series on YouTube as well. Some people just do NOT get it at all. I'm also nonchalantly trying to get you to take a look at that series right now as well. Moving along, people LOVE to leap on me like a wild pony if I mention, in passing, something I read or watched the night before. OMZ it's ridiculous. Wow, I'm not doing well in terms of this raving jazz but will exit these parentheses of rage and get back to it right about now.)

I know I joke around a lot, which is the purpose of this blather generally speaking, but I cannot express how much I appreciate the businesses in the region who say “yes” when I call.

Also I wanted to tip my bandanna to Mother for going along with my madness when I air her dirty laundry (let's face it, Mother wouldn't dream of possessing soiled washables as they are in perfect condition upon landing in the pile in the now infamous basement/cellar) in this semi-public space. (Just in case you are wondering or are new to this insanity, I wrote a piece about Mother's not-so-dry basement/cellar several weeks back. I didn't want you to think that I'd totally lost my mind but I admit that I have indeed partially misplaced it.)

Thank you to the residents of Conneautville for indicating your appreciation for the meetings that I cover, weather permitting of course. I find that town to be welcoming and certainly enjoy trekking that way when I am able.

Speaking of meetings, Roseanne covers them like the wind and always does a thorough job in my not-so-humble view. Thank you my dear for keeping the citizens abreast of the situation. Also Tom Deighton is super helpful to me when I call crying and beg him for help with design work. Thanks so much my dear man. Thank you to David “Chief” for staying healthy so that I can remain employed. Oh I must throw a bone to Judith M. V of Maine for helping me on a weekly basis with ideas and all that jazz.

I suppose I should recognize Perpetual (fiance of a thousand years) as well since he has been the object of my rants on numerous occasions. Thank you Perpetual for being a good sport about this whole sordid saga.

Thank you to President Trump for providing me with some fodder for this space from time to time. In case it slipped by my charming audience, I'm not on the “all Trump hatred all the time” bandwagon but every now and again I simply cannot resist the temptation to bring forth some horrifying piece of legislation that he is pushing or whatever the case may be.

I also tip my banana clip (old-fashioned hair holder from the 1990s era) to all of the reactionary members of society for their non-stop “Russia, Russia, Russia,” allegations about Trump. It has aided me tremendously (Trump word) in terms of becoming filled with rage which then pours onto the pages of this paper.

Why not end on a totally depressing note at this point? I thank our dear, sweet and deceased Todd the Cat (TTC) for supplying me with 2 years of content for this space. I miss that boy and the joy he brought to me and to my readers. (I forgot to mention this but we got a cat named Marie from the Greenville area Stray Haven shelter. Since the other cats Zoe and Marz are getting up there, I wanted one that could keep Louise company and was in the same age range. It just so happened that she is exactly the age of Louise and had been in that facility for over a year. I like to get ones that have been in places like that the longest and she fit the bill. She has been getting along famously and even looks out the window at the light on Todd's grave from time to time.)

Well now that I'm getting teary-eyed over >my own column, I guess it's time to put this blather and this year to bed. I don't have any sort of catchy sign off planned so will stick with my usual plus all the additional items I've been placing in these: ( )

OH, I suppose I could wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, Cheerful Saturnalia, Stunning Solstice and any other holiday that floats to the forefront of the cluttered mind.

THE END (Interstate Crosscheck – AIPAC – Geoengineering – USS Liberty - “War is a Racket” by General Smedley Butler)