Bird brains

For some odd reason that cannot be attributed to drug usage of any kind, I've suddenly become a bird enthusiast. I'm not sure if it's because I have saved so many here in the home or what but I have become fond of the feathered creatures in my life.

Speaking of saving the lives of birds, this has unfolded several times with Perpetual (man O my dreams) generally being the catcher so to speak. As a team this is much easier than working solo which brings me to this story.

Weeks ago Todd entered through the now infamous cat door just as Perpetual was pulling out of the driveway for work. It looked like he had a dried leaf plastered to his face, which he did but when he dropped the leaf a bird also emerged. The poor dear zoomed to and fro madly with Louise getting in on the action. She followed him relentlessly whilst I wrestled Todd out the door.

After what seemed like an eternity I was able to trap the bird in what was once the child's room. Unfortunately Louise ended up being contained in said room for a bit as well. Eventually the cat exited and then the bird flew into a wall which caused him to plop downward landing in the box of kitty litter. (I don't mean the litter pan but the opened box of litter stored in that room.)

I gathered him up out of the delightful substance and went directly to the windowsill. Unfortunately he was still too stunned to fly so I made my way through the house, out the front door and tenderly placed him in what has come to be known as “the healing tree.” He rested atop a Community News paper in the branches of said tree and finally recovered and flew off.

I think he told his friends about this experience because after that birds started to appear here in great numbers. It was at that point when I decided to really get into all things birds.

When Aunt Liz lived here she had one of those suet “things” which was still hanging in the healing tree so I bought some actual suet to put within. I also purchased some bird seed to go into the old feeders that had been all but abandoned once Aunt Liz exited stage left. (By the by, I did all of my purchasing from Ralston's Hardware store in order to support the local economy. Please see ads in this paper for more. Is this a digression?)

With enthusiasm generally reserved for camping, I began to fill and place the feeders in various trees in the front yard. I then ascertained via videos and articles that it's good to have a birdbath nearby as well for drinking and bathing purposes so I made several of those too.

Birds galore filled the air and I was elated over watching the habits of these fine fellows and lady birds too. (Ladybird like Ladybird Johnson. Hmm I just noticed that. Sorry, digressing again.)

Since I was certain that the birds were living for all things me, I began to carry out the task of assembling homemade bird feeders. I will give you an example as I know you are on the edges of your seats due to this thrilling column.

Find an old cup that is not really in use for coffee or tea anymore or you can go to a second hand store and purchase a fancy tea cup and saucer. Take said cup and place it on its side atop the plate or saucer with the “ear” side up. After you have it lined up appropriately go ahead and use outdoor type glue to bond the two together. That is really it ladies and gents. From there you can either use the ear from which to hang a pretty piece of rope or you can do like I did and reach for a bungee cord. Hang from the tree and get on with the day.

As for the homemade baths, all I did was use those “trough” deals that go under flower pots in order to catch extra water. I flipped over an attractive flowerpot provided by Jackie's Second Hand Store, aka Mother's garage, and then I plunked the trough atop of that. I added some stones as well so the little darlings would have something on which to stand whilst getting familiar with the water, etc.

There are your “Helpful Hints from Houserman” for the week and I shall now continue this super titillating column.

By the way, the critters took an immediate shining to the bird baths and couldn't get enough of drinking said water. Full disclosure though, the “critters” of whom I write are Todd and Marz the cats. That Todd has to stick his nose into everything constantly and I would not be surprised if he brings a baby skunk into the home soon.

Moving back to the story or to continue the story, the birds were gathering madly and in huge groups to boot for some time. I would oft' sit on my porch in total amazement whilst gazing upon them. It was super therapeutic and I loved it.

Because I was getting more and more daily visitors I thought I should hang up more feeders and provide more bird bathing stations. I was having trouble in terms of finding some excellent glue to take hold and had to toss many a project whilst saying: $%^&*@!

Then out of the blue the birds did something unexpected and honestly something which has me yet again saying $#%&*! daily. Do you want to know what this was? Are you absolutely enthralled and hanging on my every word?

The birds had the total chutzpah to STOP landing here. Yes, you read that correctly. After all of this effort in terms of seeding the property and opening up bath houses for those freaky feathered foes, they left!

I was told by bird experts that they kind of visit various regions in a given neighborhood and they will return. So these ungrateful idiotic bird brains have found that the seed is better on the other side of the fence? As Mother would say, I'm appalled at this uncouth behavior.

I have been highly upset about this and have now resorted to calling them treasonous birds. I don't know what else to do in order to lure them back. I will have to trust that this is simply normal and they will return when the better food and water supplies dry up.

Sorry to end this abruptly but there is something odd unfolding outside right now. NOOO!! HELP!! It's like a scene from that Hitchcock movie “The Birds.” They're back.


(Interstate Crosscheck – AIPAC)