Fun with numbers?

This is literally my third attempt at penning a piece this week. You know I only say literally when I'm being literal as I don't like it when people throw around the word literal/literally in a non-literal manner. For example when someone says, “My head literally exploded when I found out the details of the new health care bill,” it isn't true. That did NOT happen ladies, gentleman, brothers and sisters. Heads do no literally explode unless caused to do so by an outside force which would have to be a tad stronger than anything coming from our dear Agent Orange—President Agent Orange, I apologize for not bowing to his majesty.

Moving along, I just wanted to seize your attention by saying “literal” or variations thereof to the point of driving you mad. Did it work?

Here's the thing, there is so much coming at us with speed and agility, in terms of this new administration, that I oft' don't know where to begin. Therefore, I shall simply start bloviating wildly until you reach for something stronger than a glass of sweet tea. (You must read “sweet tea” with a strong “southern Belle” kind of accent for full effect if you would. Thank you for participating in my folly.)

For those of you who are still hellbent on watching any kind of network or cable news, I'm here to explain to you that some other things have unfolded as of late that do not contain the words Russia or Wikileaks.

Before I continue, allow me to ask you a serious question, for once in my crazed life. When you arise in the morning, do you straight away think to yourself, “I'm super worried about Russia and the role, if any, that they played in the 2016 election! OMZ I'm over-the-top freaked out about Putin and his henchmen. Hold me!”??? (I'm not sure where to place those question marks but I think you get the general idea. Can we count this as a digression please?)

I, for one, awaken thinking something along these lines: “I wonder what dastardly deeds the sociopaths known as our elected officials carried out whilst I snoozed.” I'm making myself sound dignified but just throw in a few of these *&^%$# for good measure in order to really understand my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

For something new and not very thrilling, quite frankly, I am going to plunk down some numbers and then impart something about said numbers. For instance, 4: The number of cats attached to Perpetual on any given day. (Perpetual is my life partner, for those just getting in touch with my lunacy.)

400: Number of the richest families who will receive tax cuts due to a little thing I like to call “Swamp Care,” also known as the replacement for the ACA/Obamacare. (Now, should I do separate paragraphs for each of these? I think I shall. You know, I've only been writing this column for almost 11 years so cut me some slack, wouldja?)

7 MILLION: The amount of dollars each of the above-mentioned families will receive in the form of tax cuts due to Swamp Care being implemented.

$174,000: This would be the base pay for a congress person in high office. This does not include the bribes—I mean donations to super-pacs and whatnot nor does it include the perks like HEALTH INSURANCE for one itsy bitsy example.

34,678: The number of steps that Perpetual took yesterday according to his Fitbit. The man should weigh 120 pounds but he does not. I'm going to get in trouble but I did this just so I wouldn't be “accused” of being too political, heaven forbid.

I shall now throw a bone to those of you who loathe President Obama so calm down, would you?

3 Million: The number of people deported by Obama which laid the groundwork for AO to do the same. Sorry but the truth hurts.

2: Number of bills introduced that would restrict the number of class action lawsuits that could be filed against a multinational corporation—aka our REAL bosses/leaders.

Five point one Billion: The amount of money that the new Secretary of Education, one Mrs. Betsy DeVos is worth. By the by, I'm not sure if you are aware of this or not but her brother is Erik Prince who was the founder of the radical Christian mercenary “business” by the name of Blackwater. The name has been changed to protect the guilty. (As of March 2016, he was under investigation by the U.S. Department of Justice and other federal agencies for attempting to broker military services to foreign governments and possible money laundering. But guilt by association is out the door of course. The same kind people who never accused Obama of “palling around with terrorists” will let this slide too, I'm quite certain and quite sarcastic to boot.)

I should also let you know that I utilize actual facts and do not rely on “alternative facts” for any reason under the sun. (Just in case you are wondering why I typed this particular number out, it's because my stupid word program decided to continue to count upward every time I hit enter for a new paragraph. These contraptions have minds of their own. Actually, the CIA is more than likely in charge of all computers but, I digress.)

8: The number of the wealthiest people on earth who have more wealth than the rest of us COMBINED. Allow that to sink in before I leap to yet another infamous numero. (Thought I'd jazz it up with some Spanish—OMZ calm down. If pressing 1 for English or 2 for Spanish is your biggest concern then I wonder about your compassion as a human being. Settle the *&%$ down. Good gravy, I didn't realize how much this would bother you.)

75,335: The number of votes that were NOT counted in the Flint and Detroit Michigan regions during the 2016 general election. This would have been because of the Interstate Crosscheck “program” of which we hear NOTHING from our dear, sweet, corporate media. (By the way, I have to interrupt myself quickly here to say that I have “lefty” friends who are actively mad at me because I don't value the ramblings of one Rachel Maddow of MSDNC—I mean MSNBC. Oh, just to tie her in with the subject of this piece, I shall say this: 36,000 which would be the amount of dollars PER night that she makes. She's a millionaire corporate talking head puppet of the establishment and I'm supposed to adore the ground she walks on because she openly loathes Trump? No thanks. I shall stick with “The Real News Network,” “Democracy Now!” and “The Intercept” for my hard hitting actual news from on the ground type reporters. WOW I will not shut up and have gone over the edge. TOTAL digression but really partial now that I look because I was able to weave the theme in somehow. I'm beaming with pride.)

52: The number of times the party of the Robber Barons, aka Republicans, tried to repeal a law that was theirs originally. Yes, you read that right. Obamacare was literally (see above for how I feel about this word) the brain child of the “Reich wing” Heritage Foundation. That is why it's so bizarre. They have no real plan because this WAS the plan. It was up against Ted Kennedy's universal plan back “in the day.” In fact, this is what was implemented in Massachusetts and was dubbed “Romney Care.” It's a total bow down to the big insurance companies. Obama had a window of opportunity in his first few months when he held all branches but he couldn't because he had been bought ten times over by “big insurance.” Why do we need insurance companies at all for this basic human right? Why does the richest nation on the face of the planet utilize FOR PROFIT health care at all? We are the ONLY modern nation not to guarantee this as a right and not a privilege for the wealthy. For those of you who think this is a Christian nation, give me a *%$#@ break! We all know how much Jesus loathed the sick and poor. He was always caught hangin' with the wealthy and eschewing those sickies.

12: The number of nations combined that equal the US of A in terms of military spending. This has gone over the edge brothers, sisters, ladies and germs. I'm going to start calling the “defense department” the “war department” because, well, need I really unpack that statement? The US of A has a $604.5 BILLION WAR budget. This is nothing short of sheer madness.

OK I'm done with the numbers game at this time. I am going to leave you with a quote from a rather famous former president. Please allow your brain to marinate in this as I have—stop with that thought. I know of what you think and I'm appalled. (Emphasis is mine in the following jazz.)

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a THEFT from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than 30 cities. It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 population. It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals. It is some 50 miles of concrete highway. We pay for a single fighter plane with a half million bushels of wheat. We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed more than 8,000 people. This, I repeat, is the best way of life to be found on the road, the world has been taking. This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is HUMANITY hanging from a cross of iron."

President Dwight Eisenhower

Address "The Chance for Peace" Delivered before the American Society of Newspaper Editors, 4/16/53

THE END (Interstate Crosscheck)