Since this is officially my ten-year anniversary in terms of being a columnist for this fine publication, I thought it would be most fitting to utilize a rerun—WAIT, I might not do this. It all depends on how much I can bloviate in the opening credits.
First of all, I would like to thank those of you who/whom have been ardent fans of this particular corner of the Community News for many years. I'm not sure if sympathy cards are in order or some kind of coupon for a mental health provider but I digress.
I realize that you certainly do not agree with everything that I spew forth in print but you still manage to keep tuning into this insanity on a weekly basis. (I'm being quite presumptuous actually as perhaps many have quit “tuning in.”)
I've been reflecting on several columns from the olden days, as of late. I recall my very first was a rave about what was then a brand new business in Linesville called “The Laughing Duck.” Sadly this establishment no longer adorns the street in that town and I, for one, was very sad when it closed.
Several of us used to gather at the larger table in the back coffee room and peruse the paper every single week on Saturday. You see, the paper is actually finished on Saturdays every week but clearly it needs mailed out and therefore arrives in your mailbox usually on Monday or Tuesday.
Anyhow, it was just super fun to be officially known as a newspaper woman by the name of Ms. Perkins, which I already explained in a recent column so I will spare you of that saga at this time.
Another memory that floats to the forefront is that of rotating rants and raves on a weekly basis. I believe that was the most difficult thing for me to do since I'm brimming with ire and short on love, for the most part.
My first pictures seemed to generate some kind of collective concerns as well. By collective I really mean that Mother was appalled with the first photo. I cannot remember her particular objections but I'm thinking that because I weighed closed to 200 pounds back then, it could have just been a general “yuck” sort of deal on her part.
After that I searched for the perfect pose, photo or whatever and recall utilizing the image of Wilma Flintstone in one of the very first pieces. Oh, those were the days my friends.
Clearly rotating rants and raves came to a screeching halt and rather early, if memory serves. I literally would be stopped in the streets or emailed by citizens clamoring for more rants. “Forget the raves, we love the rants,” was a common statement.
As you can imagine, that request was a tough one for me to meet since I am so very tender, sweet and charming. OK we can now return to your regularly scheduled reading.
Many of my more serious and/or reflective columns did garner much support. For example, when my dear companion Joe the Pony died and I was finally able to express my memories, sorrow, etc., via this outlet, it got much “critical acclaim.” (Just writing that was kind of weird.) My memorial column about my father was another “winner” so to speak but the most loved piece was about darling Mother.
The title of the piece was “Baseboards Matter” and I swear it has more “hits” than any other on our website. That makes me feel rather delightful because Mother is such a good sport when it comes to airing her pristine laundry in a public format.
Perpetual has been fairly decent about appearing in print with a few exceptions but that doesn't daunt me in any way, shape or form, as you might imagine. I still should throw him a bone for being rather even keeled about this whole sordid saga so thank you Perpetual for being a good sport and not complaining too terribly often.
Well, as you can see I am not utilizing a rerun after all. I do realize that this isn't filled with hilarity or any of the regular jazz. Now that I ponder, when is it filled with hilarity?
With that I would like to acknowledge the man who has made it possible for my often controversial pieces to appear in print and clearly that would be my boss, the chief, also known as David Schaef. Thank you Chief for your support over all these many years.
With that, I shall leave you now. Again, I am so very honored and grateful to appear week after week in this award-winning publication and hope to conjure some cheer, outrage and/or comfort for many years to come.
THE END.