Lisa's Rants and Raves
I don't really have one topic on which to focus exclusively this week so I am going to use the now infamous method of barking out whatever floats to the forefront of my mind.
Since Joe Biden has officially decided that he is not running for the highest office in the land, I'm wondering if various polling agencies will now stop the folly of including him in said polls. I mean, this is something that has been driving me to partake in heavy drug use over the past few months. Why did the media and other outlets constantly put up numbers about Joe Biden as compared to Hillary and Bernie when the man had not declared his intentions? I'm generally upset with the media anyway and this simply boosted my ire factor to the next level.
Not to mention, but you knew I would, the man announced this today. Every time I look up at the now muted telly all I see is a repeat of his speech. These talking head sorts thrive on analyzing every aspect of every word spoken. Pie charts are drawn up, graphs are put on the screen and they all blather on incessantly about this, that or the other thing. I cannot take it.
Why are some people determined to avoid stopping for school buses no matter the cost? This is going to turn into an epic saga so please fasten up and enjoy, as much as humanly possible.
I had an appointment at the medical center on Monday morning. I had to be there at 7:30. (Please get off the floor. I've told you on numerous occasions that my internal clock has been adjusted and I now arise at 6 in the morning, daily—even on weekends.)
Thankfully, I decided to awaken Edna, (the van), about ten minutes prior to departure because when I went to do so, I discovered that she was blanketed in ice.
By the time I was ready to actually pull out of the driveway, her windshield was absolutely spotless other than in the area directly in front of me, of course. I simply do not understand this freak of nature at all. Socks filing for and receiving divorces whilst tumbling in the dryer and the “foggy windshield on driver side only phenomenon,” should clearly be on some type of unsolved mystery list.
Moving along, I was able to maneuver out onto the road but had to perform gymnastics in order to peer out of the MIDDLE of the window. Fearing for my safety and my possible arrest, I whipped off the road by the Catholic Church, extracted a credit card and proceeded to remove the rest of the ice from dear Edna's windshield.
I know by now you are wondering when and where a school bus fits into this scenario so please stay tuned as it is approaching, with speed and agility.
At that point, I was running a bit behind schedule so when I got moving along on 322, I set the cruise control to 60mph. I was zooming along like a madwoman in the passing lane and some chick with hair larger than my own was next to me. Suddenly, there it was—a school bus with the yellow flashing lights. I brought Edna to a screeching halt as the 1980s hair band member to my right literally hit her gas in order to avoid stopping, for a SCHOOL BUS, of all things. As that was unfolding, my coffee became airborne and thoroughly coated the dashboard and other parts of Edna's innards.
As I said about 5,000 words ago, I just don't understand why someone would risk life and limb in order avoid halting for a bus.
I do not recommend having one's blood pressure taken after any of the above-mentioned jazz, including the Joe Biden madness.
I pride myself on my exceptionally level readings of said pressure. This is the ONLY aspect of my health about which I can openly brag. For the first time in my life, my numbers were high. I mean something like 158 over something or other.
I was in a panic over it because the very thought of having high blood pressure would take away my bragging rights. I gave it a day and then demanded that Best Friend Nurse Karen stop at my home and test me once again.
After giving in to my forceful request, she arrived on the scene with her usual delightful attitude on full display. You will be completely relieved to know that my results were 120 over 80. Yes, we can all rest easy tonight now, can't we?
As I finish up this insanity for another week, I have been subject to Hillary's testimony in front of the eighteenth, give or take, Benghazi Committee or crew or gang or whatever one calls it. Did you know that more time, energy and taxpayer dough has been spent on this jazz than for the Watergate Scandal and the Warren Commission, just to name two? Also, other embassies were attacked under other presidents but there didn't seem to be an outcry at all. Hmm. I'm not kidding either. I never joke as I'm always dead serious.
OK, I think I'm done. I have nothing else but thoughts of pure joy and love floating about in my hard noggin. Honestly, who wants to read anything uplifting in this column space? I mean, I would not want to shock society with such poetic words. Perish that thought.
P.S. Just in case you don't believe me, this is from ABC News: “As of Monday, the House Select Committee on Benghazi has been active for 72 weeks – surpassing the record previously held by the Watergate Committee in the 1970s.”
This next one is from a press release put out by Elijah Cummings in August: The Select Committee has already lasted longer than numerous other investigations, including the investigations of Hurricane Katrina, the attack on Pearl Harbor, the assassination of President Kennedy and Iran-Contra.”
Sorry, I'm on a roll now, this is from Politifact: [John] Garamendi said that “during the George W. Bush period, there were 13 attacks on various embassies and consulates around the world. Sixty people died.” There are actually different ways to count the number of attacks, especially when considering attacks on ambassadors and embassy personnel who were traveling to or from embassy property. Overall, we found Garamendi slightly UNDERSTATED the number of deadly attacks and total fatalities, even using a strict definition. Garamendi's claim is accurate but needs clarification or additional information, so we rated it Mostly True.