Quit “harshing my mellow”

Before I launch, I have to state that this piece might be short. I can feel the collective sighs of relief resonating throughout the reading area. In fact, Edna, (the van), just rocked back and forth due to the hurricane strength wind that just swooped down upon her.

Here is the deal, I have officially started a program designed to aid in my eventual disposal of real, live, cigarettes. In other words, I'm in the process of quitting smoking.

I've noticed a trend in terms of announcing such a project to the public, friends, foes, and/or absolute strangers.

It seems to me that when Person A picks a certain kind of cessation tool, (patches, pills, electronic cigarettes, cold turkey, gum, etc.), Person B or, I should say PERSONS A-Z, tend to advise wildly against whatever Person A has selected.

For example, I decided to go the route of the evidently controversial, electronic cigarette. This would be the type of apparatus that supplies the body with nicotine but does so via a water vapor methodology. One utilizes this instead of the regular cigarette as a nicotine delivery system.

I'm a little miffed by the people with whom I've come into contact who seem to feel that it is their duty to impart statements like this: “Those things are worse for you than REAL Camels.”

Mind you, this occurs when I have not asked for any sort of input. It has happened simply after I've casually, (whilst whistling—we all know I whistle when attempting to be casual), mentioned it in passing. It has also taken place after I have extracted said fake cigarette in public and taken a deep hit in front of Person X.

Now, I do understand if I ask someone's opinion and they answer. That is totally different than just openly berating me for my particular choice.

In other words citizens of the world, please quit “harshing my mellow.” Leave me alone. I'm trying my best. Stop it. Cease with your all too common unsolicited advice. Shut the *&^%$ up and worry about your own issues. We all have our personal problems and perhaps yours is blurting out suggestions when NOT asked to do so. Put that in your pipe and smoke it—oops.

I have gone from ingesting approximately 20 to 25 per day to 8 to 10, almost overnight. Eventually I shall give up that crutch of having the real McCoy on hand. However, for now, allow me to attack the inner demon without hearing your words of “wisdom” on the matter.

The same thing happened when I was going to try that pill which is prescribed for giving up the tobacco beast. People came out of the woodwork with counsel galore when I did not ask for it. STOP the madness and pronto, pretty please.

There have been many studies conducted throughout the world in terms of the e-cig craze. One determined that it was 95% safer than inhaling toxic tar and the plethora of other additives found in tobacco laden tubular objects that contain the plant leaf. (I'm attempting to find words other than “cigs,” “cigarettes,” “whatever,” so forgive my lack of creativity once again this week. Not to mention, but I will, I am officially digressing in parenthesis in order to meet my obligation.)

I'm not sure if people understand this but here goes. Cigarette companies are oft' behind the smear campaign and utter male bovine excrement in terms of electronic smoking devices. Can you imagine? I wonder why they might object to such goings on? Hmm, food for thought.

Well, that is it. I'm done. It's over. I've said it openly and honestly.

I'm off to take a deep puff, (which just might enter the toenail region), from my new companion, the evil electronic cigarette—I clearly need one. As I often ask of you, please insert the menacing Vincent Price laugh as you read that last sentence. Thank you and feel free to stop again.