...and on the eighth day God created the horse in perfect image, to romp, graze, gallop, play and make manure wherever it darn well pleases, in divine grace.

Some wintertime fun with “Paraprosdokians,” a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is unexpected or a surprise:

I asked God to give me a horse, but he doesn’t work that way, so I stole a horse and asked for forgiveness.

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list, and I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. You see, if I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

You don’t need a parachute to skydive, but you do need a parachute to skydive twice.

They begin the evening news with, “Good Evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I’m supposed to respect my elders, but nowadays it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.

A clear conscience is a sign of a fuzzy memory.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually ...another woman.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the a wife beater with a bald head and beer gut, and still think they’re sexy.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham.

Folks, I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. I thought I wanted a career in journalism, but it turns out, I just want the paychecks.

I consider stealing ideas from one person to be plagiarism, but stealing from many is considered research. I guess you’re never too old to learn something stupid.

I suppose we never really grow up, we just learn how to act when we’re out in public.

Remember, quicksand only works slowly and keep in mind what they say about that second mouse getting the cheese.

That’s all for now. Stay warm, and check on your outside animals often, keep water pans and troughs free from ice.

More next time. Leaving you once again with the immortal words of Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, “Happy Trails to You.”