Mother, this is your birthday gift!

As you read this a major shift in the atmosphere has unfolded. Do not be concerned as this will not interfere with your lives in any way, shape or form. OK was seeing if I could seize your attention with that suspenseful opening. Please stay as I'm going to discuss the above-mentioned shift at some length.

The goofy opening is about the fact that Mother has lived to see another year as her birthday was on November 12. Congrats on this milestone Mother, Jackie, CJ (Critical Jackie), Bubby and all other names of nick we have dubbed you over the years. (I will leave out the one pertaining to the predator of the oceans with a facial feature that rhymes with “hips.” Aren't you delighted that I didn't out that pet name Mother?)

I thought I should switch gears from last week's explosion and bring it down to a mild roar by saying a word, or 1,879 about that dear woman.

Clearly we (the family and many friends who are like family) are over the moon that this gal has lived to see the big NINE ONE. She considers anything over eighty to be a blessing. This is what she has said in the past, at any rate.

Many of my longtime readers understand how she appreciates the cleanliness of baseboards and is always dressed “just so” when she checks the mail. However, what many do not realize is how open minded she is about most everything.

Therefore, I shall blather on about this for a bit until you reach for the revolver. (That just reminded me of a goofy thing I did the other night. During the hideous storm, which took out power, downed trees and ripped our cable and electric wire from the side of the house, I actually retrieved my revolver when the lights went out! I mean how totally insane. As one viewer of my humble YouTube channel said, “Lisa, revolvers do not aid in lightning storms.” This is a MAJOR digression and in brackets to boot so I can move on, swiftly and effectively.)

Some of you may have picked up on the fact that I enjoy donning the hat made of tinfoil, as the saying goes, and have shared some of this with that delightful woman across the yard. Now, this doesn't mean that she automatically agrees with all or really any of this jazz but she sets time aside to partake in the information gathering process with me.

A lot of people, especially when they reach a “certain age,” are NOT open to anything that might upset their particular world-view. This is not so in the case of Mother. The poor woman mentioned something the other night about how CBS was airing something about X, Y or Z later that night. I told her I simply didn't accept the premise of X, Y or Z and that I refuse to believe anything coming from the “Box O Brainwashing.” Although I heard a sigh and my electricity in the home seemed to surge due to the power of her eye roll, she went along with my madness.

Mother is a faithful believer and gives credit daily to God for bringing her through times of trouble and for allowing her to have a good life. I'm a “Doubting Thomas” when it comes to the personal aspect of a god and question with boldness, as Thomas Jefferson said. The point is, she takes the time to hear me out and answer my questions pertaining to that subject without clutching pearls and declaring me to be a heathen. (Plus she KNOWS I'm a total heathen but she doesn't shame me.)

My dear friend Judith M. Villeneuve of Maine encouraged me to include in this salute the fact that Mother takes in travelers off the street and provides them shelter. OK she didn't quite say it that way so cease in thinking that you can simply arrive on the woman's doorstep and be swooped in madly.

What she means and what I'm desperately trying to say is that several times in the last year, give or take, Mother has been faced with house guests who she had previously not known in person.

Judy and her offspring stopped by on their way home from a family gathering and Mother made sure they had food, clothing and shelter, minus the clothing part. Also you may recall how The Child (my son) had to evacuate Florida in September and he brought along that wonderful cook George from Poland. Mother also made sure to welcome him with open arms. (Of course it didn't hurt that the above-mentioned Pole was a tremendous cook and kept us well-fed during his stay. As many of you know, Mother is madly in love with food and plans her day accordingly. She awakens dreaming of dinner whilst on the way to the kitchen to plunk bread in the toaster. Is this a digression or not? Oh, Judy had been here before and spent several days with Mother. I forgot to mention that. She did NOT know her at all then but has accepted her as part of the family, just like she did with George.)

Mind you, the woman has to hold in anxiety when my own brother comes to visit and has his office set up in “the pad.” (The pad is what most call a den or family room but we've always called it this. Perhaps from my father and my mother both being fairly “hip” back in the day? Oh my goodness “hip” is so non-hip, isn't it?) He refuses to sleep in a bed like a “normal person” and turns the pad into a giant bedroom. Mother likes everything just so, as you may have ascertained at this time. There fore, when people like George, Judy, Offspring O Judy and others visit and “clutter up the pad,” she takes it in stride. (Actually she whips me aside and complains about this madly but at least she doesn't let on to the visitor – THAT is sarcasm ladies and gents – calm down.)

Sometimes whilst in conversation with others I might casually say, “So and So, Mother is at work right now but I will ask her later.” Most all are totally amazed that the woman holds down a job at her age. Not only does she do this but she partakes in her “Tuesday Club” festivities.

If you recall, George—Polish George—was exceptionally impressed with how she continues to go to the movies, play cards and go to dinner (of course) on Tuesdays. On Wednesdays (I think) she has Bible study and George was worried when she didn't come home at a decent hour. I know I'm digressing madly but I'm just bringing forth these thoughts to the paper or computer in this case.

Mother has been a real treasure to have around over the years. From time to time we have spats but that is normal with mothers and daughters—unless you are “Pumpkin” (sister Jill) as she is the total fave.

There isn't enough room in the entire paper to impart to you how much that woman means to me, and to many other people. I tease her a lot and it oft' spills over to this column but that doesn't mean that I don't adore that delightful creature next door! (I even used one of these: ! Which is really not my cup O tea.)

She is an excellent listener, advice giver (aka lecturer) and human being. Mother: you are simply marvelous and are truly loved by everyone who meets you in person. Not to mention but I will, you have a well-stocked pantry which is always handy when I run out of _________ (fill in the blank) or need to borrow ___________ (and again).

Hats off to you—of course this means a super fancy hat like a chapeau or something—and thank you for living to see another year. I'm glad you worked on that and arrived at this milestone.

THE END (I'm adding something here: Interstate Crosscheck, AIPAC, geoengineering AND “War is a Racket” by Major General Smedley Butler. This book/essay should be handed out at all graduation ceremonies and spread throughout the land. WHEW.)