Mother's mishap

Mother's mishap

Many people have been asking about Mother's “meeting” with Route 322 the other week so I thought I'd take the opportunity to use her misfortune to fill this column space. I will also be answering the questions that many have had about the whole sordid affair, so to speak. Slaying two winged creatures with one boulder is working out well for me this week.

It all began on a rather chilly yet sunny day here in northwestern PA. I had just exited the shower in preparation for my “live gig” on YouTube when the phone began to ring. I seized the phone after the caller ID indicated that it was the wonderful ambulance chief from CLAAS (Conneaut Lake Area Ambulance Service for our “out-of-towners.”) For a brief moment I thought she might be calling about advertising but that seemed odd to me because this unfolded on a Sunday.

She began to tell me that Mother had fallen whilst crossing the road in order to partake in her favorite pastime, which would be eating. She was parked on the other side of the road from the restaurant in question, Silver Shores.

Mother took the phone from her and proceeded to let me know that it was “no big deal,” as she had only bumped her head a bit.

The Child happens to be in town on an official vacation and we were given strict instructions to retrieve her vehicle and wait for further marching orders. Now clearly The Child and I were not going to casually get her car and then come home. Can you imagine what dear Mother would think of such a scenario?

We made our way into the hospital and were greeted by her good friend and church-going-partner named Mary Ann—MA hence forth. (Sorry if I spelled your name wrong as I'm not very good with such things.)

MA began to impart the extent of the injuries whilst The Child and I swallowed our tongues basically. Mother had more or less stubbed her toe due to the height of the road in comparison with the parking lot, which launched her ON TO 322! (I rarely utilize these: !!!! so you know it's serious. Is this a digression? I think it is!!!! Uh oh, I'm getting exclamation point syndrome now. STOP me!!!!)

Several vehicle operators stopped in order to aid in the rescue of Mother but two women were very instrumental in the efforts. Unfortunately I do not know their names so I can't officially thank them. If you happen to be reading this we all appreciate what you did for Mother and for us.

An ambulance was summoned, as was noted above, Mystery Women shuttled MA back to the church parking lot for her car and all that jazz.

OK getting back to more of the details; at first Mother didn't realize the extent of her injuries and was downplaying the situation. I'm amazed that she allowed the ambulance to be called since she is quite stubborn about such things.

She had a huge bump on her head which led to a purple-swollen-shut-eye the size of well, something big. The woman also had split her lip and injured her elbow. The lip scenario resulted in receiving two stitches.

So when The Child and I entered the little cubical at the ER we were rather taken aback, to say the least. Mother, being the total trooper that she always is, didn't seem too fazed over the saga.

She was eventually released after they ran several tests. The problem with this—other than the obvious—is that she is on a blood thinner. Therefore, they considered it to be trauma related and moved into action with speed and agility.

Since the incident the swelling has subsided but her eye is still my favorite color. The elbow hurts a bit and there was a bit of an issue with eating, due to the stitches. (That part would be the most upsetting to the woman as she lives for all things food yet weighs 2 pounds. It is very upsetting to those of us who qualify as “chubby chunksters.”)

I was quite amazed that she didn't demand that we stop for a late lunch after exiting the hospital but for some reason she didn't. I think she was apprehensive about perhaps terrifying the other patrons in the restaurant as she was quite frightening for lack of a better description.

She is on the mend totally at this point and was even bossing The Child about, giving him direct orders when they rearranged her basement the other day. Mind you, this was 2 days after the accident. In fact, I think she went into work today but am not certain at this time. It is now Thursday. Perhaps I should do something “daughter-like” and telephone her? Be right back.

Believe it or not—and you won't—Mother is at work today. I hope the clients think that she is partaking in a Halloween contest of some sort. She wanted me to be SURE to say that she's sorry she couldn't recall the names of the people who came to her aid even though they told her. There was also a gent who stopped early on.

You know Mother, she is first and foremost about social graces and totally appropriate etiquette. She is more than likely “appalled” at herself for not recalling names after LITERALLY receiving a HUGE bump on her noggin. That's our gal.

Anyhow, I think that clears it up for the week. Thank you to everyone who expressed concern over that dear, sweet yet sometimes stern woman next door. (She will turn 91 in November by the by.)

I can't think of a darling manner in which to wrap this up for the week so I will simply cease in typing.

THE END (Interstate Crosscheck, AIPAC and geoengineering)