Random jazz

This week I was tempted to plunk down another rerun but then I began to feel guilty about it so here I am.

I haven't been feeling well for about a week but have recovered enough to fake my way through this column space. I will be talking about whatever floats to the forefront of my cluttered mind so hold on to something sturdy.

Subject number one is actually something that I covered years ago but will revisit at this time. It has to do with phone answering machines and the appropriate protocol associated with such.

OK whenever I call a person I leave a message because many people get upset if a person simply calls and hangs up. The appropriate behavior on the other end of my voice message would be to actually LISTEN to said message since I took the time to leave it. (You know I don't like to talk that much and people must beg me to impart information. I just wanted to see if you were really paying attention. Plus this serves as a digression and in brackets to boot.)

It drives me to drink when I specifically leave someone a message instructing him or her to NOT telephone me back due to sickness, nap time or __________ (fill in the blank). This happened twice during my period of illness over the past week. I left detailed instructions indicating that I would be in touch later as I was under the weather and couldn't really talk anyway. I forgot to mention that this particular cold led to the partial loss of my voice which was torturous in and of itself but I digress again.

Why don't folks listen to the actual recorder message prior to calling back? WHY? The bottom line of this particular thought which has floated to the forefront and poured out onto the page is this: LISTEN to your answering devices before taking any action.

Moving to another item of interest, I figure that most people have used a computer or own one or have read about them in magazines. Have you ever noticed how it will prompt you constantly about turning it off? This happens when one of those infamous and always untimely updates is unfolding. Throughout every single step the screen will say “PLEASE do not turn off your computer.” Why would anyone want to turn said machine to the off position during an update? I just don't find it necessary for the device to remind me to leave it on whilst it is performing some life or death update. Have you noticed this as well or do you think I've lost all train of thought or both?

One last item in order to make this an official column and then I shall release you from bondage. Remember how a few columns ago I imparted the situation pertaining to the wild animals that end up in the home via Todd the Cat?

Just in case you have no clue, we have become some sort of sick chamber of horrors for much of the wildlife in our midst. Todd thinks it's a great idea to saunter into the house with animals ranging from birds to frogs dangling from his lips without killing them first. Could he at least have common decency to murder before entering?

In the past month Perpetual (life partner) and I have rescued 3 chipmunks, several birds and a baby bunny. The baby bunny took place after the last column by the way. I was so elated because I got to pet him as Perpetual barked at me to hurry along.

I have had a chipmunk in this house for an actual week. From time to time Louise will catch him briefly but will drop him after I chase after her and force her to do so. Well I cannot have a starving frightened animal in the home (bad enough that I'm trapped in here) so I have been literally feeding and watering him for the last 7 days.

I have leftover food from Sebastian the Hamster who only lived to be about 10 months old when he departed for the giant “wheel in the sky.” I have been placing some of the hamster vittles inside of an old gift wrap tube that once held Christmas wrapping paper. (It's the same tube in which my first rescued chippers took shelter.)

The watering bowl is actually a small plastic medicine measuring cup for liquid over-the-counter medicines. Nelson has been eating and drinking just like a member of the family. Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I named him Nelson. Perpetual brought home one of those humane traps and we are hoping for the best. I'm certain he ended up under our fridge recently and if he can live through that, he shall live through most anything including clinging to Louise's mouth for short periods of time.

I think that is all I have to report at this time. Next week I will, more than likely, enter back into the quagmire of politics—fair warning. This has been a rather welcome break from bloviating about that hideous, disgusting, obscene, terrible, outrageous and immoral group of people known as our governmental leaders. Whew!

I have to get going and now because I just saw Nelson dart out from under the fridge. It's either a chipmunk or some sort of fast moving dust bunny. Either way, I'm off.

THE END (Interstate Crosscheck and AIPAC)