Attention ladies and germs: This is a column that I run every year, near this date in honor of office-kind-of-workers. I haven't a clue what to call people of this profession these days, as I've learned that the word “secretary” has become strictly taboo. (I penned a piece about that eye rolling subject in the past, so I will spare you of that opinion at this time.)
It has been a coon's age, (how long does a coon live anyway and why do we use that saying?), since I submitted a rerun, (sarcasm intended), and I felt it was high time to do so.
There are certain columns that I reprint, on a yearly basis, since they are time tested and really don't go out of style. The only thing that does not remain the same, in terms of this particular subject matter, is the name of said day but, I did promise to refrain from blathering on too much about that.
I have to be honest...I'm dying to blurt out some true feelings about this name change and I believe I do work in a dig, or ten, throughout this piece. (I'm too lazy to actually read the following rave, from the vault, heaven forbid.)
OK, enough with the intro. Before we know it, I will have a new column, after all is said and done, just because of the introduction. I'm done and here we go into the past, once again...(I just thought of something.
This next part is actually a partial intro too because, last year, I was alerting readers to the fact that it was a rerun. Isn't that precious? I did some editing and removed that other intro, so calm down about it. I wouldn't bore you that much. Now get to reading.)
I have decided that I'm now a certified “crank pot,” since I assume the position behind a newspaper and groan and grunt at the national and world news of the day.
I also talk back to the television and bark out many orders in the general direction of the pleasant looking anchors, on a nightly basis. So, it's a good thing that this column was written last year, when I was a kinder and gentler human being.
Without further ado, here is my piece from last year:
Whether you label the holiday Secretaries Week, Secretary's Week, Administrative Professionals Week, I Want to Make Out With My Office Gal/Guy Day or Administrative Assistants Rule Day, all of you “office members” deserve a rave and I’m here to provide one.
This is for your eyes only and is not to be shown to the boss. Let’s chat a bit now, shall we?
I have already visited, in previous columns, the topic of charming phone personalities, in my calling area, so I won't open up that wound. I would like to say that, for the most part, the receptionists, secretaries, administrative professionals, assistants, aides and clerks are kind and considerate, during phone calls, meetings, face to face encounters and so forth.
I know how difficult it is to perpetually display a sunny disposition because I served food to the public for years. There are days, my lovely sweets, that you just want to crawl through the phone line and choke the life out of that cranky, mean, boisterous and uncouth individual on the other end.
There are also days that you—yes you, might feel like clouting a delightful human being directly in the nose, but you don’t. There might be instances when you feel as though you are being treated unfairly or like a third class citizen.
Do you burst into tears and run screaming into the afternoon? Well, maybe you do on occasion but, for the most part, you maintain that total professional attitude. You press on with your 1,567 duties, smiling all the while and praying for 5:00 to roll around.
I’m convinced that there are also instances when your boss might be…well, just a teeny bit unpleasant. I’m sure that you handle such situations with love, tenderness, loyalty and a zest for the position.
From fetching coffee to filing, typing, answering (phones), faxing, emailing, organizing, stapling, copying, running, planning, writing, sharpening, paper clipping, budgeting, writing and all those other tasks, you do it all.
You surely deserve more than this rave and I truly feel that you should be presented with just a few trinkets like flowers, candy, gift cards, trips to the Bahamas, new vehicles, manicures, pedicures, free doctor visits, clothing, food, shelter, etc.
I hope that you are acknowledged with at least one of the above-mentioned. For now, I best duck and run since I'm thinking that immediate supervisors across the land will now be hunting me down wildly after reading this.
I am also positive, beyond all reasonable doubt, that most employers are super kind, selfless, caring, complementary and upbeat. (Whew, how was that for a save?)
Well, I guess that just about wraps it up for the week. I really do want to say, “Have a great __________ Day on Wednesday, April 20.” (I shall leave it up to you to fill in the blank.)
THE END.