Hot flashes, soy and hand holding

As many of you have ascertained by now, Perpetual, (fiance of 12 years), and I live somewhat separate lives for the most part. We simply don't do the things that normal couples do together like, well, most anything one can conjure. How in the H E double hockey sticks do you think we've remained perpetual for all these years? This might come as a total surprise but I can be a touch difficult in terms of sharing an abode and he has some MAJOR quirks, to put it gently, yet effectively.

That is not to say that we don't enjoy the company of one another because we do. It's just that he works 30 hours per day and then participates in outdoor kinds of activities, blah, blah and blah.

Over the past year we have begun to, of all things, grocery shop together and perform tasks of that nature as a loving (?) unit. I've yet to ask him to hold my purse though so we haven't reached that upper echelon of togetherhood, (new word), just yet. (Don't you think it's adorable when Mr. Senior Citizen is spotted clutching Mrs. Senior Citizen's handbag whilst Mrs. explores the undergarment area of a store? Well, I think it's precious. Not to mention, I'm digressing a touch and in parenthesis and we all know what that means now don't we? End of mandatory digression right about now...)

For some odd reason, which cannot be explained through any kind of rational thought, we decided to go on a date last weekend. Can you believe any of this jazz so far?

I was innocently minding my own business here in the home when boom, there he was—demanding that we stroll around the Crawford County Fair. OK, it didn't unfold quite like that but I'm trying desperately to hold your attention. After all, this isn't the most titillating subject matter. Who wants to read about two over the hill individuals stumbling and gimping about the fairgrounds while on a date? Just saying the word “date” is cracking me up to the max. I am spewing coffee all over the joint at this time.

I just cleaned up the mess and shall continue to bloviate until you can take it no longer. We only stayed at the fair for about two hours but it seemed like years due to my frequent hot flashes and the constant battle of “my legs are killing me syndrome.” Add to that Perpetual's bad back and hip and, well, you get the idea, I'm quite certain.

After eating what can only be described as totally meatless burgers advertised as ACTUAL burgers, the fun really took off. We blamed ABSOLUTELY every ailment for the next two days on the infamous soy burger incident of 2015.

Lisa: “I think I have an ingrown toenail,” P: “It's those *&^$# soy burgers!” Lisa: “I have this odd sensation in my eyelid region,” P: “SOY! Those dirty rotten fake burger servers.” I think you have a sense of the situation by now.

I must say right this instant that we did not purchase said non meat product kinda food stuffs from the Fallowfield booth. Dear heavens, perish that thought. They have the BEST fair food, hands down. However, they were too busy for us to wait due to Perpetual's delicate system and all. (He must eat NOW when hungry or something happens with the earth's axis.)

At any rate, we visited the barn region and took in the delightful sights of darling pigs, sheep, goats, rabbits, etc. (I adore pigs. I want to kiss cheeks madly when I see one. Have you ever noticed that they seem to be wearing high heel shoes all of the time? Just take note the next time you are in the vicinity of one of those darling beasts. I think I digressed again.)

Now, I know many folks feel the need to explore every single solitary house of animals at the CC Fair and I am not one of them. Thank goodness, Perpetual is not either. We did breeze through a few horse barn pathways but did not spend hours upon days gazing into the eyes of this or that equine, cow, etc.

Honestly, I'm not sure how many horses or cows or even pigs, for that matter, one must view before he/she fully understands that this is what a _____________ (fill in the blank) looks like. Perhaps because we are country folk we don't bother with such shenanigans? Maybe we are simply rude?

I want you to take hold of something very secure in your reading nook at this time. Are you steady in your seat or on your feet? This is pretty major stuff coming up and I don't want you to injure yourselves whilst ingesting the following statement.

Perpetual and I actually did something in public that we have only done about twice in the past year—OK did your minds really need to go in that direction? How hideous of you to think of that. Good gravy. We HELD HANDS as we sauntered along the midway. THAT is the news of the era.

Mind you, the mitt grasping only lasted until another hot flash encompassed every fiber of my being and I had to ditch his hand like it was made of razor blades. To Perpetual's credit, he did attempt to clutch my paw later after I had reached a reasonable operating temperature. I permitted him to do so and we skipped merrily along and out of the fairgrounds.

There you have it. I will save the adventures of fishing with Perpetual for some other time but I will tell you that we did that the next day. Can you dig this? I mean, we spent total, not partial, but total, time together last weekend.

I must run and quickly. I'm having a stabbing horrid pain that is radiating from my lower back to my toes. That *&^%$ SOY must still be lingering.