Media fibs & seasonal shenanigans

What lies below is brand new material. Pick yourselves up this instant, it's undignified to behave that way. I have a good reason for not submitting material last week. You see, my brain cells have been protesting due to frigid temps and hideous rapid fire menopausal symptoms. Therefore, I've been lax in conjuring words in sentence and paragraph form. There, how was that?

Inching along, I've actually been wound up about two subjects, as of late, and decided to bless all in my path with my peculiar take on them. Mind you, some of the content relates to rather old subject matter. Nonetheless, the time has arrived for your humble columnist to blather on until you are ready to scale a tall building.

I'm wondering why it is necessary to remain in a distant era when it comes to daylight saving time. I believe I've penned questions about this in the past but have not been thoroughly persuaded by any answer received. Actually, I've not even been partially convinced that there is one good reason for the appalling twice a year situation to continue.

I absolutely loathe this latest overt attack on my sleep rhythm. I don't really mind the fall back scenario but the spring forward has got to be outlawed. (I'm not sure how that would work in the end. Would it mean that at certain times of the year we'd be off by two hours? One hour? Hold me. I'm digressing within parenthesis and in question form. This is wonderful.)

How does time tinkering accomplish anything, other than making me say: “&%$#@!*” every spring and fall? (Not so much in the fall as was imparted above.)

I've taken in a plethora of explanations from farming concerns to energy consumption to the dear overly protected children catching the bus in the dark, or is that in the light? I'm addled.

This disregard for my sleep patterns should be banned and pronto. I mean really, why don't those in charge realize this?

I'm going to gently, yet effectively, segue into the next topic of interest. Stop it. I know this isn't very interesting but just fake it. At least I'm penning something original rather than casually sneaking in reruns here and there. Did you even notice?

Brian Williams, (NBC news anchor), was chastised to the max, culminating in his forced leave of absence, due to his on air exaggerations. (If exaggeration is now defined as out and out fibbing.) The man might not ever return to the anchor seat. Yet, another media giant has not been taken to task by his superiors.

I'm talking about Bill O'Reilly, (news analysis guy), of the Fox “News” Channel. Now, if you are totally in the dark when it comes to both of these men, don't worry. However, I must ask, just how long have you been sedated?

Since I'm a gentle and kind woman, (yes, I put that in print), I will impart some details below and then complain about stuff, as is my nature.

Williams claimed to have been aboard a helicopter when it was hit by gunfire. Don't panic as this did not happen over Detroit Michigan—you aren't that out of the news item loop. Evidently, this occurred whilst he was being whisked into Iraq the night before the war was official. The helicopter was forced to land, blah, blah, blah. He went on about this for many years until some soldiers outed him.

Williams tried to apologize by claiming to be in a memory fog, of sorts. However, the fact that he began with the embellishment directly after it allegedly unfolded, kind of worked against him, in the end.

Bill O, (which I shall now call him, since we are close), on the other hand, lied about various events pertaining to his time as a reporter. Over the years, while reflecting on those times, he has made some rather outrageous statements, to put it gently, yet effectively. However, after being caught, he still holds his title of Original Bloviating Madman, over at Fox.

I will, more than likely, go on more about Bill O because the news is fresh in my mind. Plus, I don't claim to be fair and balanced in my column space, so there.

He has not been called on the carpet, lectured, put on leave of absence or any of that jazz. I have to ask, well, er, why?

Speaking of bloviating, in full disclosure, I confess that I did steal the word from Bill O. For that, I'm eternally grateful, aren't you?

OK, his sins include, but are not limited to, the following: He said, in print and on air, that whilst investigating a man associated with Lee Harvey Oswald, he was getting ready to knock on said man's door when he heard him commit suicide via gun. He has also fabricated his war zone coverage on four different fronts. Sadly, I will not be able to cover all of his silly claims. Again, stop cheering.

In true Bill O fashion, he tried to defuse the situation by speaking to the public live from the “No Spin Zone.” In doing so, he resorted to what he knows best, when it comes to defending himself, and that would be the infamous ad hominem attack method.

You might be familiar with this. I will give an example of his technique right here. “Person A is a left-wing loon, bottom of the barrel guttersnipe and is a horrible reporter.” This is fun so here's another one. “Left wing smear merchants are out to get me...” Wash, rinse and repeat tactic, for which he is famous, would be to dissuade viewers from looking at any other media outlet to, perhaps, garner real, live data. “Don't look to So and So because they are the least trustworthy, blah, blah, blah....” Every time he has come under attack for lying, he has utilized the above-mentioned methods.

I did not take his advice and actually relied on others, in the know, for some type of accurate information. I literally, (remember, I only use the word literally in a literal way), saw, heard and read the proof. I shall elaborate—oh stop with that complaining. (Keep in mind that for investigative purposes, I looked to broadcast news as well as to online outlets.)

There is an audio tape of O, (note, we are so close that I've shortened his nickname), talking to another reporter in 1977. He was telephoning from Dallas and the other individual was located in Florida, where the above-mentioned suicide unfolded. He actually asks what happened, what mode of self destruction was used, name of town, etc., etc. He concludes by saying that he will be on the next flight to Florida.

Hmm, I thought he was poised and ready to knock on a door when he HEARD the gunshot. The simple fact that he's not mentioned in any police reports at the time of the incident is also problematic but, you'll have that, I guess.

From witnessing nuns being gunned down, in yet another imagined war zone, to being bombarded as bullets fly in the Falkland Islands, he has seen it all. In fact, he “covered four wars with a pen,” don't cha know? His mind must be a delightful vacation spot but, I digress.

Good gravy, my space is getting limited so I shall leave you with an assignment.... If any of this jazz matters to you then please unearth the real stories. Do so by utilizing sources other than the horse's, (in this case, O's), mouth, (or other body part). Don't let this man bully you into believing his every word.

It is my strong opinion that not ONE disciplinary action will be taken against O. I can almost bet on it, if I had any kind of money with which to do so.

I'm off. I have to carry out another death defying assignment that the chief just handed me. I will be penning this column from Ferguson Missouri so that I can interview all on the scene of the current crisis there. This is nothing new as I have just returned from Afghanistan. I confess that is the real reason why I did not submit a column last week.

Wish me luck...THE END.