Callie the Cat has graciously removed her paws from the computer keyboard long enough for her "Mama" to submit the following column. Callie's mom is no stranger to this column space as she has been Lisa's guest columnist in the past. Without further ado, here is a special piece written by the famous "Patricia of Pittsburgh."

THE GROCERY LINE

Do you watch people in the grocery line? Do you scope out their groceries and try to size them up by what they buy? I do. It is amazing what you can learn about people by looking at their groceries.

There is the “frozen food” person. If he is a man, he is most likely single. Or maybe his wife just kicked him out and he lives alone in a little room with one portable gas burner and a little portable oven.

You can pass the time by imagining why his wife kicked him out. Check under his eyes and if he they are puffy, he drinks too much. If he has bushy eyebrows and a frown, he is just plain mean and deserves what he got. Let him eat frozen dinners for all you care! Does he have beer in his stash of groceries? Yep, there it is. . . a six pack. Let him eat cake!

If she is a woman buying frozen food, she is probably just plain lazy. Boy, talk about being judgmental! But this is fun. Anyway, back to lazy. She probably has five kids and was married to the guy with the bushy eyebrows. Now she can feed the kids frozen fish sticks and boxed macaroni. Wonder if he pays her child support?

Then you can check out how much they weigh. If they are a bit plump, you start checking out the fat foods. Twinkies, candy bars, butter—no fruit? Hmmmp! You compare YOUR groceries with hers. There's a lot of fruit in YOUR basket!

Expressions: Check out the body language and try to guess their professions. If they slouch and lean on the basket, they are probably employees slaving for a meager wage at MacDonald’s and trying to support a family of 10 kids. Bet they have a bunch of coupons. Yep, there come the coupons. Poor guy.

Older people: Ever watch the old lady reaching in her purse and counting out the change to buy a huge pack of hamburger and lots of potatoes? Her husband probably died and her kids don’t help her out at all. #%^&@% kids! They should be ashamed!

Then there is the arrogant guy who pulls out his checkbook and doesn’t even bother to put the amount in his balance. Has a big diamond ring but, why is HE buying the groceries? He probably can’t get a woman! He's too arrogant. That pushy guy—who does he think he is anyway?!

The grocery line is the one place you can be as uncharitable as you like. Go with the drama. Imagine all you want. Now, in reality, the first guy with the bushy eyebrows may be a great husband who is buying groceries for his wife because she is ill. Yes, he's buying frozen dinners because he can’t cook. He has puffy eyes because he stays up all night with the baby.

The lady who buys the frozen dinners may not be lazy after all. Maybe she is just counting her pennies. She may be poor. She works two jobs and has an ailing mother at home. Boy, the scenarios are limitless.

Whoops, that nosy woman be-hind you is checking out YOUR groceries. Hmm, wonder if you pass muster? Let’s see, do you have any frozen food in your basket? You have six packages of Mounds Bars for Hubby. Pull in that stomach! Smile. Forget those coupons in your purse. Start reading Time Magazine instead of peeking at the Enquirer.

The white wine you bought for cooking is a dead giveaway. Are your eyes puffy? Are you slouching over your groceries? Put the wine next to the chicken so they will know you are using it for cooking purposes ONLY.

Groceries tell the tale. Just feast your eyes on them the next time you are in line and you can entertain yourself with a fruitful imagination. It passes the time and keeps you young.