This week I thought I'd shock humanity and actually prattle on about something pleasant. Dare I say, I'm actually placing a rave in a column entitled “Lisa's Rants & Raves.” Shocking, lurid and true.

This benefits me in a huge way, actually, because the subject of this piece, and yes, I will get to it in about 673 more words, was going to be placed in another section of the paper as a straight-forward blurb under a picture.

So, I'm killing two birds by placing the content here, rather than there, thereby reducing the amount of total exertion needed for penning two pieces! Brilliant and lazy all at once.

This also allows me to be a bit more casual when I discuss that elusive topic at hand. OK, already, I'm talking about the “Chair-i-ty Auction” held in the pouring rain on August 14.

I actually got decked out in some shocking pink attire and headed over to the dock region of the Barbara J., behind Silver Shores. The event took place on the shore with the auctioneer, more about him later, delivering his speed-of-light gibber jabber from the bow of the “ship.”

The chairs were located on the top deck but they were removed, in an assembly line fashion, to the lower deck when a gentle mist began to fill the air.

After a day of super oppressively hot and hideously humid we-at her, the light drizzle was rather welcomed—by me anyway. How-ever, it was soon followed by a steady rain, which unleashed violently from the heavens about five minutes before auction time.

For those of you who don't know a thing about the Chair-i-ty Auction, I shall catch you up briefly and will then swiftly chastise you to the max for not noticing the press releases.

It all began on a lonely pile of rubbish at some point in history. (I don't really know all this stuff so I'm faking it.) Some chairs, that had once graced the Beach Club and the Hotel Conneaut, had been pitched, quite rudely, onto said heap. A good Samaritan happened by and decided to save them for a better purpose than kindling an inferno.

An idea was born and local artists were asked to volunteer time, materials and talents by jazzing up the chairs. The shindig was sponsored by the Conneaut Lake Institute and the Meadville Council on the Arts.

Most, but not all, chairs depicted, or alluded to, scenes of the Conneaut Lake region.

Many artists from the county, (maybe other places too), took part but I must confess that I'm friendly with two of them. So, if I appear to focus on their work, it's because I am. Plus, it's my column and I'll brag about my friends if I want to. (Set to the tune of “It's my Party and I'll Cry if I Want to.”)

I actually attended in order to bid on a chair that my friend Mick Boyle, referred to as “Mike” by the gent reading the descriptions, revamped. He did this by plastering, from legs to seat, a copy of the Conneaut Lake Breeze, which was our little town paper for many a year.

I had no clue that the selling price would be too rich for my blood, which was not so great for me but was tremendous for the sponsors.

So, “Mike's” chair was out of the running but, many others had caught my eye and I was determined to walk away with one of the charming pieces of history.

Sherman Allen, (newlywed by the time this hits the newsstands), took every opportunity to pick on me, in a friendly fashion, due to my budget-style-bidding.

Sherman is a down-to-earth auctioneer and always attempts to make the crowd feel comfortable and relaxed, even during weird weather conditions.

Plus, he generally gives a plug to the Community News and it's much appreciated. I don't even have to compensate him either.

My friend, Colleen Nye of Nye's Marina, had the most unique chair of any, in my humble opinion. I'm not just saying that because she's a friend. Believe me, I'm the first to ridicule that poor woman and poke fun at her relentlessly. Come to think of it, I'm not so sure why she'd want to hang with me at all, but she did. (I think it was because she forgot her own umbrella.)

In fact, we practically sat on each other's laps, whilst balancing a bumbershoot, purses, shirts and a camera between the two of us, as rain filled the right hand side of my camp chair that I brought along.

Speaking of chairs, (I think that's the theme here), hers was darling, original and took a great deal of effort and imagination. Since she also is a pro at sewing costumes, (how anyone has the patience to sew is beyond me), she utilized her painting talent and her costume-making-abilities in order to create a mastodon, out of a CHAIR, mind you.

The legs were the legs of the creature, how odd, and then the seat was his back, etc. She also painted a scene on the front of the back of the chair (?) depicting two prehistoric animals drinking from the canal behind the marina. Then, the modern-day marina showroom was in view behind the massive, fuzzy, adorable giants. She melded the past and present in a most clever manner.

Mastodon bones were found in the canal behind Nye's, by the way. In case you are wondering what on Earth these animals have to do with local history, that's why.

I hope Mick, also known as Mike, and Colleen see fit to slip me a buck or two for PR at this point.

Another local chick, who adorned her chair with sunflowers and a checkerboard pattern on a black background, was Cindy Simonette. She grew up in Harmonsburg and now lives in Conneaut Lake.

I don't know Cindy personally, I don't think, but I am attempting to give a “shout out” to those in the reading area. Now, before you send angry letters to the newsroom for not mentioning So and So from our region, let me say that I couldn't use my tape recorder or take notes while performing the above-mentioned balancing act so, I'm doing the best I can here.

See that's another reason I'm placing this in my OPINION column. I don't need to have every jot and tittle memorized and really, I went as a citizen in order to help out the cause and to bid on a chair. I decided to put something in the paper at the last minute.

As it was, Colleen had to hold the umbrella as I dug for my purse, rooted for the camera and took a few shots without ruining my equipment. Now, do you feel sorry for me yet? Is this clearly all about me? Mission accomplished then.

I did end up with a lovely chair that was covered with all things Jewish! Can you believe it? Since I was the only Jew in the audience, I'm quite certain but could be wrong, it was a perfect fit—no pun. Get it? The seat of the chair and my own caboose? OK, whatever.

All in all, the soggy atmosphere didn't soak the attitudes of those in attendance and everyone kind of pulled together and made an adventure out of the unpleasant weather situation. We all appeared to indeed become the “huddled masses” under a sea of umbrellas.

In closing, I shall say that ALL the artists deserve a round of applause for donating to the worthy causes. Also, thanks to the Meadville Council on the Arts and the Conneaut Lake Institute, as well as the Silver Shores folks and Sherman, for entertaining me—as I know that was your main intent.