As many of you realize by now, I should quite possibly be dedicated to science, not in death but right now, for further studies. I've actually been told this by close friends, family members, delivery men and others who cross my path with frequency.

The following gripe of mine might illustrate to you that indeed, I'm not considered to be “in the norm” by any stretch of the imagination. I realize we've all known that for years but, it will really be clear by the time you finish reading this piece.

Here's the deal. With very few exceptions, people become over-the-top giddy when pages of the calendar indicate that summer has arrived.

They unleash shorts, tank tops, sandals, bathing suits and other seasonal duds. They dig madly through garages, basements and storage sheds for all kinds of “fun” outdoor-kinds-of-items. They conduct yard work with a true love of the land in their hearts and a downright appreciation for all things green in their minds. They frolic in the heat of the day displaying pure joy and delight on their faces every step of the way.

I, on the other hand, totally loathe this time of year for the most part. Yes, you read that right. I know, I'm insane. Everyone complains about winter and I live for it. It is because of my differing opinion on this, and other issues of the day, that many pray for my abduction by the scientific community.

Anyhow, the one main reason why I'm anti summer is due to one word: HEAT. I simply won't stand for it and am much inclined to escape the kitchen at the speed of something really fast.

In sticking with the clichéd nature of my word usage in this particular column, I shall also mention that heat doesn't bother me as much as humidity does. I can actually tolerate the “dry heat” of an 80 degree summer day. However, toss some humidity into the mix and I'm toast. I despise it. It should be outlawed. It makes me cranky. Can you tell?

While others have a natural glow about them due to the joy of summer bursting from every fiber of their beings, I too possess a seasonal look of my own. It's called the sheen of SWEAT. I don't just mean a dab of perspiration here and a dollop of dampness there. I speak of a waterfall which covers my face and entire head once July rolls around.

Obviously I do enjoy many summer activities but mainly because I have no choice in the matter. It's not like I can kayak or hike in a blizzard. Many of you remember that I camp as well but really prefer to do so in the cooler months.

When I do exit the home with tent in hand in order to battle the oven-like elements, I tend to throw my shelter down on a piece of land best suited for moles and vampires. Full shade is a total must without the chance of any kind of hideous sunlight peeking through the branches above.

Even if I burrow so far into the big woods that high noon resembles midnight, it does not benefit me at all when humidity rears its soaked noggin. Unfortunately, shade cannot prevent the moist blast of take-my-breath-away air from draping over the region like a boiling, sopping cloud of misery.

Back to indoor temperature control for a moment. A common misconception in terms seeking shelter from the “fabulous” days of summer is this. Why are some folks convinced that using fans to push sticky air to and fro is just as good as the modern invention of air conditioning?

I hate to use Mother in this space for two weeks in a row but, she fits the bill so I am forced to do so. It can be 4,689 degrees out with 2,000 percent humidity and she will declare that her house is perfectly cozy because, “I have the ceiling fans going full-blast. Come on over!” No thanks.

News alert: plugging a fan into an outlet and turning it to high does not dehumidify a home, restaurant or any other indoor structure. It simply transports small, (or large, depending on the size of said fan), amounts of heavy, clammy, sultry, gooey, steamy air from region A to region B.

Whew! Thanks for letting me vent. Get it? VENT? OK, getting back on track here. I have to confess that there is something that I really DO like about this time of year. I honestly cherish this above all in terms of the whole summer debate. (Bet you didn't know there was a summer debate going on, did you?)

Moving along, this is the greatest part of the blaring hot days that lie ahead and I'm being serious here. Here goes: I become as frisky as a mating firefly when, after weeks of suicidal temperatures, we experience cool, crisp and invigorating breaks in the weather pattern!

There you go. The bottom line is that the thing I enjoy the absolute most about the summer is when we have freezing cold days. Yep, it's true. Now, go back to the very first paragraph of this column and tell me something. Do you agree that the gift of Lisa would greatly benefit the scientific community?