I am penning this column from a supine position this week as my back has decided to go out of place at the most inopportune time. I'm not sure what a good time is, exactly, for a back to exit its original line up but, I digress.

Because I've been forced to lie flat, on ice, and not do much of anything, other than take in the news, which really leads to more suffering and pain than a human should have to endure, this particular piece is going to focus on a major news story that I viewed from my state of horizontalism. Yes, I know, it's not a word.

Before I continue, I know you must be wondering how on Earth I could type on my regular size laptop computer whilst basically looking upward at our much-in-need-of-a-paint-job ceiling.

Well, I’m here to tell you that I got the most adorable little pink laptop as a back-up unit, which can be taken camping with me and so forth. See, the boss is a super slave driver and demands that I work on reports and columns even when I’m knee high in a poison ivy patch or am gliding through a roadway of lily pads in my kayak. Just try typing in that kind of an environment.

Now, the story above might be a bit of an exaggeration but, this was what I told Perpetual (fiance) so he’d take pity and purchase this work “necessity” for me so I wouldn’t get fired. Aren’t I clever? Oops, I guess not as now I’ve just typed this for all, including Perpetual, to see.

Moving back to the thesis of this epic column, I have been able to effectively reach for the remote and channel surf without yelping in pain too much and have mastered the ability to switch channels with rapid fire and speed, with not much agility thrown in for good measure, due to the back problem.

Because of this spectacular talent, I can compare/contrast what various taking heads are spewing forth at any given moment in the news cycle. (What a claim to fame, I know.)

I've heard tell that August and September can be slow news months and I am witnessing this reality for the first time.

You will never believe what the most oft covered non event, in my humble opinion, has been during my hours of viewing pleasure and pain.

Give it a try here. Could it have been something about the war? Was it was concerning aspects of the heath care legislation that is going to start soon? Did it have to do with the many elections that have unfolded?

None of the above would be the answer as the most talked about, Earth shattering, major, late and early breaking story that I’ve caught while being confined to my couch, surrounded by ice-packs, was that of Michelle Obama's "war on chunky children."

I know it's not really called that since she isn't at war directly with the kids. She’s against the unhealthy eating habits of meaty minors and is not anti chubby chunksters themselves, per say.

Can I just say something here real quick that might really get me in trouble? What's new with that, I know. Here goes: I think this is the dumbest "platform" or cause in the history of first ladies. It just is. It's dumb. How better can I put it? OK, since you must know how better I can put it, I can’t. It’s dumb, dumb, dumb to the max.

I guess I feel that there are a ton more worthy causes than planting the seeds for eventual legislation concerning what foods one ingests.

Call me an old-fashioned chick but what happened to taking a stand against poverty or being a spokesperson for the MS Society or something like breast cancer awareness? I realize these causes might not be as “glamorous” as wrestling donuts from fleshy fists and replacing them with crisp celery sticks but darn it, they are much better than the silly battle of the bulge this woman has decided to tackle.

I know you agree with me but are afraid to say out loud the infamous words I have typed above. Admit it. I’m totally right.

So the First Lady’s fight for fitness seems to be dominating the media at a time in my life when I cannot even properly scream at the telly without throwing my back further out of whack.

Indeed, this has dominated the national news for a while but, it appears that the next biggest event since the moon landing has unfolded and, surprise, it involves the whole Obama family this time..

I can’t believe the amount of attention that is being paid to this story as I lie here trapped. It is confirming the old adage about the slow news in August and September.

Are you ready for this? Hang on to something as here it comes. The first family, now get prepared, went to church!! Good lord, no pun, can you dig the importance of this most incredible undertaking? It takes one’s breath away doesn’t it?

I can’t even begin, (actually, I have begun) to tell you how absolutely insane I find this to be. Don’t you? There has to be something more news worthy than the Obama family skipping off to church on a Sunday in September. I’m shocked beyond recognition.

You know, my back seems to have cleared up over this whole column undertaking. Perhaps my mind has talked it over with the rest of me and decided to get to healing so that I do not have to remain a hostage being held atop ice for one more minute.

I shudder to think of what lies ahead but I’ve never in my days been so relieved that October is knocking at the door.

Until next time, let us all hope that a volcano erupts or some ice crumbles from a glacier or whatever it takes to keep some truly interesting and important content on the nightly, morning and afternoon news shows. I simply cannot handle the excitement of it all and, as we all know, it’s all about me. How dare they report on this nonsense when they know darn well that Lisa Houserman will think it’s silly!

Well, I’m off to feed candy to a baby, (you gotta start them early, you know), and maybe I’ll hit a nice church service along the way. Oh yeah, I forgot. I’m Jewish.

More next time and thanks for sticking with me during my time “on ice.”