The other week I was chatting with a good friend when he/she, (I'm not saying), began to tell me a story about how he/she had been wronged by another person. (Hence forth, I'm going to use he to save some time and energy.)

I noticed right off the bat that what he was telling me seemed odd, in some way. He claimed that the other individual, hence forth known as “Out of Control Rude Man,” had, very suddenly, slammed the phone down in his ear, not easily done with the new and improved cordless units.

When I asked for the reason behind this boorish behavior, my friend, hence forth known as my friend, said he had no idea. I was stunned, to say the least, but immediately—well, almost immediately, began to smell something funny and no, I had not ingested beans for dinner.

I thought that certainly, there had to be more to the story. One person, even Out of Control Rude Man, would never, in the midst of a telephone conversation, simply hang up without just cause.

As my friend continued to tell me the saga of epic proportions that allegedly led up to the off button being pressed on the telly, I figured something was amiss.

This became crystal clear when rainbows and butterflies started to float forth magically from his nostrils as he spoke. Not only but, a halo appeared over his head carried in by two white doves.

This is when I became well aware of the fact that I was not getting the whole truth and nothing but. I thought that perhaps my friend was, I don't know, trying to make himself out to be blameless? Just a thought.

Have you ever noticed this in your life? (I don't mean have you ever witnessed bizarre items emitting from the nostrils of a friend.) Has a person ever told you of some outlandish behavior on the part of another, “out of the blue with NO provocation,” without maybe giving the details in full, thus, making himself out to be a total victim?

Well, I've been on the receiving end of many a glistening, meadow-filled tale and am now on the look-out for such things. I've detected that this is generally a way in which folks try to maintain that innocent look of some kind of newborn creature, while simultaneously painting another person as being devilish.

Of course, I personally would never slant a story in my favor. Heck no. I'm always totally honest about everything I tell someone in terms of an argument with Mother, or a tiff I might have with Perpetual (fiance), for instance.

I never try to paint myself as some patron saint of arguments but instead, I ALWAYS give every last detail of an encounter without warping the story to make myself look virtuous.

That's because I'm wonderful and would never do anything to cause another to be mad at me in the first place. OK, you may now remove the barn boots, and/or rubber suit, as I'm done.

What I'm trying to impart, in 2,397 words or less, is this. Human beings tend to present themselves as total upstanding citizens of the nation, who did absolutely nothing to deserve the treatment they got from ____________(fill in the blank). When all is said and done, in most cases, the humans in question generally DID deserve such treatment or, at the very least, they were equally culpable.

Allow me to illustrate this most important point I'm desperately trying to make via my infamous fake dialog. I haven't utilized this method in a while so allow me to have my fun. Here goes:

Person A: (whilst talking to you over coffee on a summer day) “Dig this. Person B tossed me out of his house the other night! For NO reason. We were just sittin' around and then, boom—I was asked to leave.”

You: (trying to avoid the floating peace signs, roses and cherubs dangling about the head of Person A, and with a bit of skepticism in your tone) “You mean you were casually visiting at his house and he, out of the nowhere, asked you to get?”

Person A: “Yes. I did nothing wrong at all. We were gathered round the kitchen table and suddenly, he blasted me out the door.”

As time goes by, you happen to run into Person B on the street. Let's make it more interesting and say that you encountered Person B at the bowling alley, as bowling alleys are much more exciting than streets.

Anyhow, you nonchalantly and quite innocently ask, (as you don't want to come off as the snoop that you truly are), “Say, have you talked to Person A lately?”

This is when the real scoop spews forth. There are no rainbows or butterflies involved at all, but storm clouds and vultures fill the air.

You are told of how Person A was horribly rude to Person B's wife. He got totally drunk while sitting at the kitchen table. Person A then, according to Person B, got up for another beer and, in doing so, staggered into a table containing a Tiffany Lamp. The expensive light then crashed to the floor, breaking into many pieces.

When asked to clean up the mess and pay for the damages, Person A instead displayed some obscene Italian hand gestures, burped loudly and demanded another beer be delivered to him since he was wedged in a corner, having fallen due to the meeting with the lamp table.

The truth hits the fan, so to speak, which is much tidier than what generally collides with cooling devices.

I guess the bottom line is a cliché but it's true. There are two sides to every story and the truth generally lies in the middle. Wasn't that deeply moving, profound, original and all that jazz?

This column really has no point but do they ever really? It just illustrates a little quirk that I've observed about human behavior. I thought I'd bring it to your attention since, perhaps, maybe, you've recognized this as well?

Maybe you haven't and I'm simply a crazed lunatic who takes note of the most insignificant aspects of behavioral patterns.

At any rate, I'm off to have my halo serviced and I must attempt to dislodge the flock of butterflies from my nose, as all that fluttering is quite frustrating.