Hi folks. How’s it going? Ok, I hope. I hope all your lives are as good as mine.

I am going to tell you a secret about Boo Boo and me. Several secrets, actually. About what cats do when their parents are not home. We do stuff. We do. When you come home from work or play, we are always standing by the door, waiting. With anxious eyes and tails standing straight up to greet you.

We look innocent. We look sweet. We look sleepy. All a ploy. You think we have been snoozing or watching TV or something? Nope. We have been in as much trouble as we can stir up.

Now. Boo and I? We are cat burglars. We like to steal jewelry. Little Mama has a ton of jewelry in her pretty cosmetic table. Is that what you call it? The little table with all the drawers for make up and stuff? Anyway, that table.

She has at least 4 drawers with ‘stuff’ in it. Long dangling necklaces, earrings, watches, bracelets, a treasure trove of jewelry. My weakness? Necklaces.

I love necklaces. I am, after all, a girl. And, the shinier they are, the more they intrigue me. I am smitten with them. I know how to open the bottom drawers, you see. That is easy. The upper ones? I have to wait until she leaves them open. And, she does. Often.

As soon as they both leave? Boo Boo and I are on the job. He may be a buffoon when it comes to squirrels, but he is an adept cat burglar, let me tell you!

He loves earrings. And, we both have different objectives. Mine? My objective is to drag the gorgeous clanking necklace around and howl. I strut. With the necklace dragging between my legs. I pretend I am wearing it to a great ball. And, I am going with a handsome prince. So, I wander around with it dragging behind me in all its glory and beauty.

What do I think mama will think when she finds her necklaces under a couch? Or in the bathroom? Or, peeking out from under her desk? Or, on her desk? I am hoping she will think she just took it off and laid it down and it got there by itself somehow.

Back to Boo Boo. Now. Boo Boo is different. I told you that. He likes the earrings. And the diamond ones? He loves the diamond ones. They are the ultimate. The prize. And, he rifles through her drawer until he finds them. She doesn’t have that many diamond ones.

Not any more, she doesn’t.

Because he doesn’t just plunk them down on her desk or under a rug somewhere. No. He shoves them down the drain in the bathtub. Do you think I jest? I do not jest. He shoves them down. Shoves. And, it is not easy. He has to take each one, jump into the tub, and push with his toes, his nose, sit on it with his big, fat butt and push. Anything to make that earring disappear forever.

So, Little Mama never knows what happened to them. Or, she would not have known had she not caught him one day in the act of doing it. She came home and he was intent on disposing of an earring when she came into the bathroom and saw him. He pretended to be taking a shower, but she saw the earring. She was pretty mad, I’ll tell you. Pretty, pretty mad!

I am not destructive, as I said. I just drag them around and play house. Boo Boo is a menace.

What else do we do? We play office. We go up on her desk and play. I push papers all over the desk and then, hit them as hard as I can and they fly all over the floor. I love to hear them “splat” as the big files land and all the papers slide out all over. Boo Boo stands across the room to catch them if he can. It’s like Human Baseball. Sometimes, the files hit Boo Boo in the head. His own fault. He needs to duck.

When she comes home, sometimes the desk is just a mess! There are files all over the floor. We know she knows who did it. And we know that she knows that we know.

And something Boo Boo does that you will not believe. I know you won’t believe it, but I swear to you, it is true. It is true. I will make a video someday and put it on YOUTUBE.

He reaches into her little jar where she keeps those make up brushes? And he puts it between his little paws, sits up like a little girl and brushes it on his face! He DOES! And, not only is he a cat, but he is a boy cat! A boy! They do not wear makeup. But, he sits on the table and watches Little Mama brush that thing across her face, so he thinks it must be cool and he does it too.

I am embarrassed when I see him do this? But, I am also a little impressed that he can imitate a Human so well. He sits there and puts makeup on. Brushes one side. And, then the other, so he can get it on smoothly.

We are the smartest cats! And, we don’t waste time sleeping when we have the run of the house. Home alone. We have fun! We are unsupervised. Free. Without rules. Free...free...free.

The moral to this story?

If there is one, it is this. Close your drawers tightly. Hide your valuables. Don’t underestimate your kitties!