Hi folks. Well...we finally moved. And that mama of mine is a huge problem. What is worse is that she doesn’t know she is the problem - she thinks I am the problem. I am not the problem. She is the problem! Get that?

Sorry, but I am frustrated. She grabs me like she does when it is time to tell me one of her beer stories. Or her enchilada stories. She hugs me until I can’t see. Or breathe. She squeezes me until my hair flattens and my ears are plastered back on my head and my whiskers are all tangled up. I wiggle and wiggle, but she holds on tight.

Only this time, it is not funny. She gets all weepy and sad and talks to me like I am a baby. I know how to move from one apartment to another. I am not a baby. I am a courageous cat. A Cajun cat who climbed a fence in Louisiana and braved the civilized world.

She talks baby talk to me! “My poor little boo boo baby girl...boopy doopy itsy bitsy baby”, she says. How embarrassing, guys! I am so glad no one here can hear us or my reputation would be ruined forever.

She takes me down to the courtyard where there are flowers and plants and ivy in my spiffy new harness. And, I do love that time. No one is in the garden, usually, so I am spared the humiliation of an overly protective mama. You know how that is. To have a mama who is always straightening your little bow tie, or brushing back your hair in front of all your friends. I don’t have any friends yet, but I hope to. There are three cats living here someone said.

She tells people that I stare at her and that I am asking her “why she did this to me and ruined my life.” No. that is not what I am doing. I am staring at her because she is going crazy and I am wondering what the hell is wrong with her. It is a stare of curiosity and concern. Like you stare at a train wreck.

She has to shape up. I flee from her sometimes. And squash my fat little butt under the bed to get away from her. I love her but, Gee Whiz! When I squiggle under the bed I hear her. In her ‘baby’ voice. “Callie POO - where is the itsy widdle baby girl?” Can you imagine how it would be if someone heard that? “TUM on out, baby” she says in a weepy voice - and when she says that, I crawl deeper under the bed...to the dark corner and hide behind a shoe that she is looking for. Hoping she will not see me. But, she won’t give up. “TUM out, my poor widdle baby girl”, she moans. Then she starts to blubber. And, mama can really blubber. “I am so sorry, my poor baby, that I ruined your life. Can you ever forgive me?”

What does she want me to do? In the first place, I can write, but I can’t talk. Does she expect a voice from under the bed? From a cat? Saying “I forgive you?”

She worries when I sit in the window. It is a great window. I love it. But she sees me staring out this wonderful window (there is a cat in the window downstairs) and when she sees me there? She thinks I am crying. Cats don’t cry. I love being loved by mama but this is too much. It has to stop!

Sometimes I think I have to sit in the window to keep her from jumping out. Kidding. But this is serious stuff. I wonder how long she is going to howl and blubber about my ruined life?

I DO howl when she leaves...I admit that. But, what I am doing is asking her to bring me a little treat when she comes home and start acting like an adult again. We could sit and have a snack like we used to. She forgot to get me snacks. She is so worried about ruining my life that she is ruining my life! I need a snack. I need my mama back. The happy mama I knew. I need her to be normal again.

I want to read the paper in the morning again with our coffee. At our nice new little table. We have two chairs. One for each of us. I do sit in this chair across from her as she reads, but instead of enjoying our paper and telling me the news, she looks at me with sad eyes and makes me so nervous because I am afraid she is going to burst into tears. I want my mama back!

Boy, oh boy...this move has really messed her up! I will be so glad when she gets used to the place so she will leave me alone. I think she is the one who is a little scared about this big move.. it sure ain’t me!