Hello! Do you believe this heading? Well, folks, it is true. Remember my article about the enchilada sauce last issue? When my mama had it all over the kitchen and in her hair? Well, this story tops that one! For sure. And, it is true!

Well! I was lying on my bed taking my afternoon beauty rest when out of one eye, I spotted something unusual. An unusual movement on the floor. I peeked down and I saw my mama. On the floor. Sitting there. On the floor.

So, I jumped down and checked it out. She was under her desk! I joined her. I studied her face. She looked ok. Just sitting there. She was thinking. I was fascinated. What was she doing on the floor?

So, I waited. And watched.

Suddenly, she started to scoot around. On the floor! On her butt! I had to figure this out. First thing I thought of? She needed to scratch her butt! Of course! No offense, folks. We do it that way. And, perhaps she had seen that was the most sensible way to do it. Animals have been scratching their butts for generations like that. It is the only way. Good for her! I was happy.

I licked her face to show her how proud of her I was. That she had figured out this was the perfect way to scratch one’s butt. Scooting on the floor. By watching us!

But then, I noticed that after an extended period of time...certainly long enough to accomplish this task...she kept scooting. And thinking.

I sat next to her and watched. Right in her face, I was. My whiskers on her chin. Urging her on. Trying to compliment her on her decision to join me on the floor.

I went over to my favorite place under her desk and began to roll over on my back. Showing my stomach to her. I sleep here. There is a great thing here that Humans call a ‘vent.’ Hot air comes out when it is cold. Cold air comes out when it is hot. It was cold today.

So, I thought perhaps a nice nap together might be smashing - as the British would say. I learned that from “The Office” - the British version. Mama watches that. So do I.

Anyway, I rolled to entice her. I wanted her to roll with me. Since she was on the floor anyway, she may as well roll over on her back and take a little snooze. But, she didn’t bite. She just sat. Thinking. And, she was not laughing as she usually does when she is in a strange position...like flopping about on the floor.

Maybe she was going to play with the mouse I have. She could chase it under the bed and I could be on the other side and we could catch that little play mouse! She could scoot around and grab it by its tail. What fun! I went to get my mouse. But, again, she paid no attention.

So. I began to think. Why would a Human be on the floor scooting around? Hmmmm again. Maybe she wanted a bite to eat? I had some great tuna in my dish. I ran to it and began to hop up and down around my dish. Showing her I was willing to share. I had never seen her eating out of a dish on the floor before, but who knows? After all, I had never seen her on the floor scooting on her butt before, either.

She was still thinking. Then, to my dismay, she began to laugh. You know what this means! It means she was going to grab me and tell me a story! She laid on the floor on her back then and laughed. Uh oh. This must be a good one.

She grabbed me. Sure enough. And shook me like a dishrag...like she always does. I was a dead cat. Caught. She began to blabber.

“Callie”, she howled. “I was cleaning the baseboards and had to sit down on the floor because of my arthritis”...she sounded like a seal again. Couldn’t say two words without howling. That mama! She laughs at everything!

Anyway, she continued. “I am on the floor”, she screeched, and “h cahg eoot op” I couldn’t understand her. It was a foreign language. I cocked my head. I didn’t understand.

She gasped. She held her stomach. She hit the floor with her hands. Her legs flailed up and down (not too far because she can’t move those legs). She fell on her back and just laughed and laughed. With me on her stomach being held by her as she blubbered. Finally, she calmed down. She looked at me nose to nose. And said “Callie, I can’t get up.” That started her up again. After about 10 minutes of her choking and guffawing and snorting, I understood.

She couldn’t get up. She could not get up! No one was home and she could not get up!

I couldn’t help her up. I’m a cat. And, frankly, I didn’t see anything too funny about this. Who was going to take care of me? If she couldn’t get off the ()&*^% floor, who would fill my water dish? This was urgent. Why was she laughing?

But, I underestimated her. She scooted toward her dressing table. Let me go, finally.

I watched.

She put on hand on a chair and the other on the top of the table and she pushed with all her might. Several times. I felt sorry for her. But, finally...finally...she was on her feet! She grabbed me again! I should have fled when she started pushing.

We fell on the bed together and actually, it was kind of nice. We hugged and kissed and I smiled at her. I was proud of my mama. She found a way. But, I  must admit, when I first saw her on the floor...I did think she had found that scratching her butt on the floor was certainly the way to go. And, probably less embarrassing than the way Humans do it.

No moral to this story.