You know what I have always wanted to do? You are going to laugh. Because I am a cat, I can’t do a lot of things - you can imagine! The things I can’t do! Boy, oh boy!

I always wanted to play golf. Belong to a Country Club and play golf. How do I know about this? Of course. TV. I watch Larry King, remember? I also watch the Pittsburgh Steelers play football. Who doesn’t? So, I saw Tiger on TV and I became interested in golf.

I can see myself lolling about the pool of a Country Club with a spiffy little hat, some dark glasses, and a saucer of milk. I would fraternize with the upper crust. I would be a snob. A Country Club Cat. Better still a Cajun Country Club Cat. They could call me CCCC for short.

Then? After a dip in the pool, I could ride in the back of a golf cart. What harm? There is a nice little basket that would hold me perfectly. And I would have a little golf hat that would fit on my head just fine. One with two little holes for my little ears.

Obviously, I could not hit balls. I am good, but not that good. I could not hold a club. But, I could find balls for mama! The ones that roll off into the woods. LOTS of balls for mama. No offense to her.

They should have little pool chairs for cats like me. Intelligent, artistic cats. After all, I am a published writer. I could take my laptop, my little saucer of milk, prop my fat little body up and write by the pool. Don’t you agree?

You just don’t know how lucky you are! The things you can do! You take playing golf for granted. Sitting by the pool.

Back to golf. I would love to ride in the golf cart. With the wind blowing in my fur. My face to the sun. The adventure of racing from hole to hole. Chasing balls. Maybe even helping mama push one into the hole when she tries 10 times. I could give it a little shove.

Or when mama hits a drive, (see I know golf talk), I could speed ahead like a tiger and chase it down and plunk myself beside it so she could find it. I don’t know about the ‘speeding tiger’ bit because of my plumpness, but I could run faster than a golf cart!

I could have a little pole with a flag on it and sit there waving her on. And, as I said, if her ball goes into the woods, I could track it down and meow loudly to lead her to the ball.

I could sit on the green and cheer her on. Maybe even help her line up the ball. I could sit at the hole so she could gauge the distance better. Lord knows she needs someone to gauge the distance. Again, no offense to my mama who loves golf. Mama is no Tiger Woods!And, lastly, I could cheat. I wouldn’t, but I could. I could run ahead and push the opponent’s ball with my nose. Push it into the woods and then, shrug my fat little shoulders when the ball just disappears.

Think how helpful I could be! Why don’t they, I wonder, allow cats into the Country Club? On the golf course? Can dogs go on the course? I don’t think so.

Well. This is a fantasy. I know they will never let me play golf. Or, sit by the pool sunning my little butt. Or, sip from a saucer of milk on a lawn chair. Or, perhaps engage in a game of pool ball with the little kids. Or, partake in a little BBQ beef. I love Nachos, by the way. I eat Nachos. True. I really do. And other Human Snacks, like pizza. Pepperoni.

And so I am going to nap. And dream of a day in the Country Club. Fantasies are good. You can at least dream.

The moral of this story? Don’t ever take the adventures you Humans can do for granted. You guys have it made!