I am almost afraid to write the column this week, folks. Is there an agency for cats whose mamas are always getting into a huge mess? I hope not. My mama might be in trouble if there were such an agency. I don’t mean someone should come and drag her away. Mama is the smartest person in the world. She really is.

But. But. She has always been hmmmm I don’t know how to say this. She is different. Unique. Eccentric. Funny. And, because of her, my life is so exciting! The chocolate pie, the enchilada sauce all over the kitchen, the time she was scooting across the floor. Boy, she is different. Unique. But, I don’t want you to think mama is dangerous because she isn’t. 20

Things just seem to ‘happen’ around mama. Things get on fire. Dishes fall on the floor and break. Things. Ok..I’ll get to it

Mama got a new printer...a friend gave it to her. And she was using it. And, I was sitting close by watching. Counting the papers as they came out. It was SO much fun. I had my whiskers right in that printer. Fun. Big fun. My little head was flipping back and forth, watching those papers come out.

Well. Things began to go wrong. Things started to happen. It jammed. And she didn’t know what to do. The printer was on the floor because there is no room on our desk. There was a little window in the top of the printer. And, there were some words there to tell her what was wrong. I tried to read it, but it was too dark.

We had no light there. No flashlight either. Now that I think it over, she could have simply lifted up the printer...it is small..set it on the desk and read the instructions. Lord! Or, get the lamp off the desk and hold it over the little window and read. There are ways.

But mama? She is unique. Her mind works differently from others. I saw a “happening” coming. I felt it. She had a candle. I saw her staring at that candle and I knew what she was thinking! She had an electric stove. She got a piece of paper and set it on fire and lit the candle.

She brought the candle near the printer. I was behind it and there was a wall behind me. I knew she was going to screw something up. I knew it. I live with her, after all. She tried to coo. Don’t worry, baby, she said..mama knows what she is doing. I should had fled. I should have known better. But, I had to stay in to see what the ()&*^%* she was going to do next. Pardon my French!

Yeah...I squatted on the little patch of floor I had and put my tail under me. I leaned back into the wall so she wouldn’t be able to ‘get me’ with whatever mishap was coming. Then, I saw it.

The candle. It was dripping. She was going to use that stupid, dripping candle to read what was wrong with the printer.

She got down. On the floor. The wax was flowing from side to side of the dish...flowing...and suddenly, it spilled. On mama. HOT wax. She never flinched. She just put the candle near the little window and the hot wax flowed all over the printer. She was reading.

Aha! she screeched. She saw the word ‘jammed.’ JAMMED she hollered into my ear. Jammed! Gleeful. Wax was dripping all over the rug, a tiny bit got on one of my whiskers and it curled up. My ear folded up. Flat. She howled. She was so happy. Jammed! She screamed "LIFT TOP" as if she had been told she won the lottery. I had one flat, waxed ear and the other one was aching from her screaming.

Jammed. Everything was fine to mama. Wax was in the numbers of the printer, all over mama’s arm, on my ear and whisker, on the rug. What did she do then? She grabbed the papers out of the printer and started it up again. She laughed like a nut. Then, she looked around and the mess she had made! And, at my ear and whisker! And, at the printer!

Know what she did next? She got a needle and cleaned around the numbers to get the wax out.

With a needle! It worked. Somehow, she always comes out smelling like a rose. But, sometimes? I get tired. Real tired. But I love her. She is so interesting and so funny. I learned how to laugh by living with her. Cats don’t laugh. I do.

I have one stiff whisker and I have a strange ‘fold’ in my ear. She will see it and fix me. What a wonderful adventure life is with my mama. I am not really tired. I am the luckiest kitty on earth.