Hi everyone. How ya doin’ today?

I was watching Larry King the other night with mama. I can’t discuss politics in my column, I know that. But, I think I can be general? I was watching, without mentioning any names, how many men in politics are unfaithful to their wives. Why is that I wonder?

Now you probably wonder how I would know about such things? As unfaithfulness? Well, I watch TV with mama, as you know. And she watches some of those silly romantic shows. “Days of our Lives and such.” And have you all seen that show, "Desperate Housewives?" It fascinates me. Those women! They are bad! Anyway, I watch these shows and I see what happens to Humans.

You see, you Humans do something that we cats don’t do. You commit. To one person. For all your lives!. I think this is just great. It makes me almost cry. I choke up. Sometimes? When I am watching "Housewives?" I hide under my pillow because I know when one of the wives is going to get caught and I get very stressed. I really 'get into' it...I get down. I relate. I feel so sorry for the husband.

Now, it is not always the women who cheat. And, I think in real life, more men cheat on their wives...I am not sure. This is much too complicated for a cat!

But, back to my subject and as I said, I have noticed that famous people and politicians don’t seem to keep their, hmmm, have to be careful here. Well, I was going to say something kind of naughty. I won’t say it that way. Let’s see, how can I say it. Ah, got it.

Some Humans just can’t seem to remain clothed in all situations.

Get it? Was that tactful or what!

Are all Humans like this? I wonder. Since only the famous ones are on TV I will never know. Anyway. Back to the politicians. I heard this guy - as I said - on Larry King. He was whining. He was swearing that ‘he didn’t do it’ and it was all a BIG lie and a conspiracy. I didn't believe him for a second! I knew better. Cats know.

Also, when they are on TV apologizing to the world, they cry. Snivel, actually. Their chins tremble. They start telling us about their loyalty to family and country. Even Larry chokes up. Not me. Nope.

And those wives! Wow! No self-respecting cat would stand there beside those scalawags (that is a great word!) while they howled and protested their innocence!

The wife stands there looking sideways at him and you can see that she is about to kick him in the butt. She knows he is guilty. We ALL know he is guilty. I give no quarter to gadabouts. Human or feline.

What do I know? Well? I know a sleaze-bag when I see one.

Anyway, this guy on Larry was whimpering. Whining, as I said. A whining wimp. I am not dumb. He didn't make ME cry! I hissed at him.

And, snarled under my breath. Bared my teeth. Flattened my ears. Waved my tail. Growled. Try to fool me! Mama wondered what was wrong with me. She didn't buy his story either, but it didn't make her as mad as it did me.

On Larry King I heard this. Sitting with mama. Listening to the gossip of the day. We love gossip, mama and I.

You Humans have a lot to put up with, I’ll swear. You are so complicated! Maybe that’s why you can’t follow all the rules? I would so much rather be a cat than a Human...at least if I have a good mama.

And you know of course that most of your Presidents were scalawags don’t you? Philanderers. Scalawags. I LOVE that word. That's why I keep using it.

Your Presidents! Good grief, what is the problem I wonder? I think this is too deep for a cat, don’t you? I think I have wandered into a territory that is way, way, way out of my league.

And so folks, I am getting sleepy. It is my bedtime. I sleep with mama, of course, and she is about ready to retire also. I always cuddle up in her arms and sleep like a baby. I have my own pillow. I know, I know. Some of you might think I am spoiled and that mama is nuts. Not! She is the greatest!

You know what the moral of this story is! Behave yourselves.