Hello there, my friends. I hope all of you are well and happy. Today's article is a continuation of the article called "Scalawags." I was so angry at the politicians and golfers and movie stars for thinking they could get away with having boyfriends and girlfriends when they were married that I had to do another column on it. I am sure you know that I also read the newspaper, so I get ALL the dirt. I look over mama’s shoulder every morning as she reads the paper and sips her coffee. We have a big chair and I sit on the back of it on the soft pillow part where I can stretch out and read or watch TV.

You may wonder, since I am a cat, why I should get angry or worry about people who cheat on their mates. I don't know! I think it is because mama taught me that it is bad to do that. To cheat. It means lying and I don't like lying.

Anyway, I get confused by Human Nature at times. Really confused. Sometimes while I am snoozing, I hear something that makes my ears stand up. A politician. My mama does not like politicians. So, neither do I. They are the ones who shout and wave their arms and promise things.

And so, when I hear about one of them who got caught doing something bad like being unfaithful to his wife, or stealing a trillion dollars from investors, or chasing women around the desk in the Oval Office, I get very interested. They all seem to chase women. Almost all of them. Have you noticed this? Of course you have.

I know enough about Humans to know you are not supposed to ‘cat around.’ Hmmm. Wonder where that saying came from?

Anyway, I also know a lie when I hear it. We animals are good at hearing lies because we don’t know how to lie. The only thing we know is the truth. And when politicians are caught doing anything wrong, they never stand up in front of the news media and say, “I didn’t do it” Nope.

They always say, “I categorically deny.”

“A categorical, blatant, emphatic untruth, absolutely without foundation.”

It is ALWAYS 'categorical.' ALWAYS. Listen next time.

What is a “categorical denial” anyway? Do Humans deny in categories? Doesn’t that bother you? I am sure you have noticed it. If a cat like me notices it, I know you do. You guys are not dummies. Why don’t they say “I am innocent?” Or, “who the hell do you people think you are, accusing me of such a thing!?”

The only reason I get charged up is because mama does. While I am sitting there quilting, and I see that mama is getting hostile, I get hostile. Cause my mama knows what she is doing. So, when she starts murmuring insults? And calling them names I can’t repeat? Cursing at them. I love it. I start howling, too. I get steamed.

I start to squirm. My eyes cross with disdain. (We cross our eyes like you roll your eyes with disbelief.) I even get so frustrated with them that I begin to chew at the thread and rip it up as mama sews. It calms me.

MY whiskers twitch when I hear them whining. My tail puffs up. My claws twitch. I show my teeth in distaste. That is a ‘cat sneer.’ We sneer. We do.

I get so mad that I sit up on my fat butt and swing my paw in the air to urge mama on, like Rocky.

And I see their different expressions. Their mouth is turned down. And their eyebrows slant down too, like a Cocker Spaniel. And I know Cocker Spaniels. They look sad. Then, their voices kind of break like mama’s does when she is going to cry. And then, it comes.

“I categorically, emphatically deny those allegations.”

Doesn’t that just curl your hair? The minute they say this, my ears perk up, don’t yours? My ears can actually perk. Yours can’t. It’s just a saying.

“I didn’t do it!” That is what we down-to-earth, honest Humans and Cats want. We don’t want “categorical denials of blatant and outrageous allegations.” We want: I didn’t do it!!!

Doesn’t that just burn you? It burns my mama. And, as I said, when mama burns, I burn.

The moral of this story?

The bigger the words, the bigger the lie.